cLassy fooL; refiNed gArbAge

This time it's goodbye.

2006-01-01T03:40:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2005.

It has been one hell of a world of experiences. and discoveries.

so long, ta-ta!

I'll put all these away like it has only been a dream, of gentle ones and gruesome ones.

Like what the romantics feel, life's just a dream. Things that we've felt strongly about before seems like a dream after some time has passed.

and Hello, 2006!

No expectations, I don't carry a whole lot of burden on my shoulder. Yet. Until probably when the right time has come for me to do that. New year resolutions? haha. everyone seems to have them but few really know what they really want and fewer, did the right thing to achieve it.

I'm not promising myself much. So I'm taking it easy. So I'm just taking everything the way it comes.

So I'm truely saying bye, all mushy, fellas. Like how I always was.

Goodbye

and life turns on a new page. Once again.

;)

Almost goodbye

2005-12-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking of taking down my blog in about a few days to celebrate the ending of year 2005.

All the emo post, boring ones, sad ones, crappy ones, sickening ones, all those which defines me, I'm going to let it be history in about a few days. All the posts, poems I've written about him that celebrate my feelings and those which serve as a shout-out for things I've never said to him.

Going down in the cyberspace in a few days. Into nothingness. Could you believe it?

Maybe I would regret, I dunno, I hate holding on to the past, but I hate giving it up so fast and so furiously as if it has not influence the way I am today.

yes, I have loved you. once too many times.

But I've notice our differences.and my lack of confidences has bring me to say unpretty things. Those awkward moments when I wanted so much to feel really beautiful. beautifully enough for you.

I'm just going to let you go. Like how I'm saying goodbye to this blog.

Nice to know you. Nice to know about myself to.

and whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck. and tell her you love her.

I like to~like it, like it

2005-12-14T07:40:00.000+08:00

Met up with Ayushna (a chun Indian genius who's studying law and medicine at the same time)and she introduced me her Nigerian friend, Diana, which when 3 of us walked in the same line makes us look like ambassadors givin this country a visit! so cultural-ed!=> It was a blast whenever Ayushna is around, she's always full of a narcissistic sense of humor, perky*snickers*, full of herself, a pervert yet I still love her to bits, and she's so humble some other times about how well she can cope with her studies. I've always felt that my Monashian life is lightened up bcos she's there 2 cross a path with mine. And last semester I sort-of live in a meaningless daze and at times wondering whether anyone could measure up like her as a good friend after she'd left and found out that she's irreplaceable. This comparison is no good(makes me question her like 4 the hundredth times y u haf 2 go?), she's sort of my morale-boaster cos she could said the simplest thing and it makes sense, but complicated people like me just need someone 2 say it out LOUD to remind myself,like "yea~she's right!"

Of course we go out and talked about our life, she talks primarily about herself*laughs* and I talked about me, and about our cellulites and what we should do 2 get rid off it. and guys and how some are hot, and some are stalkers, minority is nice and the rest are desperate.Life just wasn't the same anymore without dis amazing fren*sigh~~
I always said that it'll be no problem 4 her 2 juggle between her law degree, medicine and another communication one//sigh!All these shit sucks!

Ayush:you know they took a survey and found out that Indians are the happiest people on earth? despite hunger and poverty...

Diana:few years back it was Africa..we are the happiest people(feels the competition 2 be on the list but Malaysians are happy mostly when they've got their latest Coach handbags and Jimmy Choo's shoes)

Ayush:here they have everything and yet they complained about little things...for us traffic jam is so minor. Simple things make us very happy!

Diana:yup, if there's traffic jam we wud be checking guys driver out and writing down our phone numbers on the window screen with red lipstick!

*hilarious* laugh and sound like a hungry horse.

anyway I recalled this minor incident last week after dinner with stick and cow and her siblings.

something puts me into a foul mood and I mumble(sort of a bit too loudly) : shit***!

Geeg goes like overprotective with vulgar languages around her adrorable brothers:
eva, stop swearing!

Chang Khai roll his gold-fish eyes.

Me: shit isn't a swearing word, fuck is!( I mean fuck really is a swearing word right) smile with utmost curiosity^_^

& I think for once Geeg really want 2 charge at me with her horns. her siblings smirked most evillishly.

would be funny if she goes fuck eva.shut up. my parents are here. ahahahha, imagine the trouble she'll get into.

I couldn't much recall the many, many simple-est things that used 2 make me love life hell ALOT, until I took this semi-wrong turn and was on the way 2 become a complicated young adult, and 2 old 2 be a teen person and it took me quite a while 2 step back. And recall.

I love 2 write letters to anyone basically. mostly 2 sinnee and I think dis was the one thing she left me with when she abadoned me 4 Perth. and all she got from me is the infatuation with chicken wings*lol lol*

I love 2 see into details. Like when I go jogging I always ended up wasting my time looking out 4 small creatures under leaves and I'd go a long way 2 tear out flowers 2 make bookmark and ended up with thorns on the otehr side of my palm.

I love 2 think and daydream. and these random thoughts are actually much waste of time bcos I could no longer remember what they are.

I sing in the shower. *blush* and my dad would be like knock it off!U sound like a chicken*so much for boasting my self-esteem//*

I fight for 50 cents coins with my sis and haf 2 manja with our parents 2 get our way.

We smuggle junk food and hide it in cupboards and closet that is meant in the first place 2 store books and clothes. and nowadays I clicked with her darn well bcos of our similar liking for cock-talking, lameness and stupid jokes. Quite spontaneous lately she's become ahaha. Put a 3D L-sign on her forehead^ and iki I'm not bad towards my sista I DO love her, plentifully(sticks out tongue) & I grabbed her thighs alot and she'll go like:STOP doing dat lah!so itchy, next time my future boyfriend would haf no tofu to makan dy![so cute]

Haf a thing 4 cooking lately. Felt like a chef with all the recipes I could come up with impromptu!
[i think I'm talented]woo-hoo.lol

Love the thrill of spotting 3 for RM10 earrings in shopping complexes and grabbed them and feel like I've got them 4 free! It's really cheap but those dahlings are gorgeous.

Also love it when a fav song was played out in radio or boutiques or just anywhere when I least expected it.

Love it when it was raining and it was just heavy enough 2 make me feel like the whole world is stopping whateva work they have in their hands to watch the nature cleanse away its heat & dust. & that the rain have at the same time cleanse away their doubts & troubles, leave people feelin revived n serene, and regain the world is afterall, still a wonderful place.

Love 2 get a hug and a huge grin that comes with it. It's like a gift package^_^

Love to wonder around petshop/ aquarium and felt lost amidst the wide range of new species world of wildlife could offer. Love it 2 when the shop let people pet them*.* the reluctance 2 leave!!!I wan2 work IN there!!!

Love it when I could find a nice cosy place when need 2 be alone in coffee shops.

Love it when I found a good book 2 purchase & it's under my budget. Love it when I could find an empty seat in kinokuniya 2 nest myself comfortably as I turn into a bookworm and hybernate in bestsellers of the like.

Love it when I've discovered a new place 2 hang out. Or just tasted something worth introducing 2 someone else.

Love it when people gave me unexpected gifts. or just hey, I like your earrings/watch/shoes/hair/bracelet/nails/lipgloss or u r a great person!!!

I love the people whom I over-hang out with in red box/the curve/1 utama and who got me overspending in coffees and movies. U sinners, u know who u r(and no smirking)

I love 2 switch on the TV and find that a movie that I've been wanting 2 catch is on it!

there r probably like a hundreth thousand more things dat could turn my mood in2 sun-shiny but dat I've 4gotten 2 list down or is still searching...

19 Nov 1984 and numerology

2005-12-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

This is a rather interesting conversation between me and Geeg's dad, who's got dis remarkable skills in his mastering of the arts of numerology. Which means u give him your birthday(date/month/year), and he could sort of calculate and summarise your personality, how you potray yourself 2 the world, your subconscious, what you can/cannot do, and what will you be doing in different phases of your life.

So seated around outside coffee bean 1 Utama and fidgeting around impatiently waiting 4 my turn 2 seek the wise words of Geeg's father(geeg was kind enough 2 get her dad's attention by saying: Pa,eva's goin now she wants 2 ask about her birthday),Mr.Geeg turns his head towards my direction after sribbling down some numbers and coming up with more numbers in this triangel face upside down.

Mr.Geeg: oh you have no problem with money throughout your whole life...
(all 10+ people watches me like I'm a exotic specie as Mr.Geeg continues his analysis)

...a very lucky girl indeed,brings luck 2 ur parents(made mental note 2 tell this to my mom n dad n expect some forms of reward) *smirks

...U are a business woman

Geeg interrupted:see I told u so, and that u will haf no money b4 u die(i dunno why but dis prediction just make me wanna laugh)

Mr.Geeg: ...ur mind is like a puzzle

Me:it's not a gud thing?

Mr.Geeg: when it's a puzzle, everything is jumble up, you are always looking 4 the missing piece

Me:uh huh...the missing piece(imagines my brain system like a 2,000 pieces of puzzles and fall into a trance bcos of the confusion it creates)

*check watch*

Geeg:any last words. Dad? She has to leave.

Mr.Geeg:and you are a stubborn girl

Me:(giggles uncontrollably because it's embarrasing how true that is to hide the blushing)

Me:any very very last, final words . uncle?

Mr.Geeg: and listen 2 your mom. (stares at me with stern eyes as if my mom has signed a 10 years contract of free coffee bean lattes for him 2 say that)

Me: (feels the guilt) I listened to her but.. (tries 2 defend my innocence)

Mr.Geeg:see, BUT ..BUT.. listen 2 ur mom!!!You are always doing things the other way round, opposite of what she expect

Me: (giggles some million times more) Thank Q uncle I'll remember your words. bye Geeg bye Chang Khai bye Tycoon, cycoon, Xsmallcoon, XXscoon bye everyone, muaks muaks tata *blows away flying kisses like a desperate celebrity for publicity. (takes elevator n runs away from the crime* scene)

It's a night 2 remember. Definitely. n Geeg treats us Charm, green curry laksa.*nyam nyam* food are tastier when others are treating.LoL. thanks generous cow. sushi next time, I know u r soOo deprived of uncooked fishy. n caught fip n lainie red-handed dating=).n Chang Khai cudn't stop rubbing his nose. Like how Geeg cudn't get over my gorgeous hair. and how I'm always humble when it comes 2 knowing my popularity soars. Old habits die hard.

LOTR(Laugh out truly rough)

2005-12-10T02:56:00.000+08:00

Old King Cole

Was a merry Old Soul

And a merry Old Soul was he;

He called for his pipe,

and He called for his bowl

And he called his fiddlers three.

and my soul sort of IS very similarly-alike with this certain old fella because my soul,like his is a very very Old soul, despite disguised fairly well under the skin of a hyper twisties-haired girl who laugh too much until she got comments on that irritating habits of hers. and had a death threat, namely being poke constantly at the waistline 2 supposedly remind her of that. But notice it wudn't work as u like it because that A-R-E-A is sensitive!!!

Coming back to being an old soul and grimly having to tolerate the cranky need for old songs. These are the songs that keep me from staying youthful and age continuously through dawn breaks and night settles in. These are the songs that brings me back to the times when people fall in (and out of)love fairly slower but no less more passionately and knew how 2 romance a lady by bringing her flowers and slow dance her to music that makes you wan2 rendezvous your whole life. Wine, champagne and quite little conversations in the boat being rowed across the riverside.. candlelights and staring into each other's hazelnut eyes. See, old soul. proveN.

These are the 10 songs that if I live without I could still collect back my youthful-ness. why 10 u asked? just because lah (tune back into grumpy mood)

1.)Put your head on my shoulder-Paul Anka
2.)Dream a little dream of me-
Nat King Cole/Diana Krall/Michael Buble's version is comparably nostalgic
3.)Can't smile without you-Karen Carpenter(u just have to love her voice)/Barry Manilow
4.)Can't help falling in love with you-Bob Marley
5.)Can't take my eyes off you-Andy Williams
6.)When I fall in love-Nat King Cole
7.)Close 2 you-Karen carpenter
8.)Leaving on a jet plane-JOhn Denver/chantel Kreviazuk/Peter,Paul&Mary
9.)Tears in heaven-eRic claptoN
10.)a smile like yours-Natalie Cole

bonus(what the heck?)unchained melody~~the melodramatism~

All the talking so strained my energy away. zZzZzz..
love, my children*take cares*muaks muaks*
smile and ^reveals some space between teeth^ ehehehe

I'm not sick. people. just joke-y

2005-12-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

What do you get when you give Geeg(cow) a shake?

You get milkshake. banana flavour.

muahahahahhahaha... so much for messing up my twisties curled hair u self-aclaimed poodle puff fan of mine. Revenge is sweet. *snickers*

and what do you get if you put me (my vavacious-ness) besides Geeg the cow?

you get a holy(me) cow. Get it? dies from laughter (and they say laughter is the best medicine?)
check forehead for temperature. (and found out that hands burnt)

Binge movie-ing

2005-12-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

I've been movies binging,5 movies in 2 nights on my notebook n my mom thought her daughter of hardworkingness is doing sum projects assigned by her lecturers, till midnight 1am or 2.right right right. and I've got dis panda bags under my supposedly sparkly eyes that mislead people 2 think I'd a active lifestyle at night.*winks winks*

sisterhood of the traveling pants.
Love it. found that many movies are adapted from books. Love how the story tells about a strong bond among 4 friends. and Alexis bledel is so hot. and Greece overlooking Angean Sea is soO beautiful it's almost like a daydream. (arhh)All the sun and sea, hot Greek guys and passionate hospitable civilians of Greece. If you watch My BIG FAT greek wedding u'll sort of know what i mean. and the little girl who had leukemia but decided that she'll use the time left till her last breath to touch people's lives and givin' em encouragement when they are low/down. and how the 4 friends grew in the summer holidays as each engage in their adventures that lead them to grow as they share that pair of magical jeans.

troy
3 discs. bloody hell. worth watching all I could say and I don't mean buff Brad pitt in that warfighting outfit revealing his thighs,ladies. because it's based on true history, i can't condemn the storyline how two people in love has lead 2 the death of thousand millions. A very selfish idea if it's fiction. But I cried when King of Priam risks his life to claim back the body of his eldest son,Hector, it must be sick to haf 2 kiss the hands of the enemy who killed ur son.

What Troy accomplishes is a very well done depiction of the human egos, ambitions, flaws, anger, and tragedy that lie beneath Homer's poetry. The acting is excellent, the costuming beautiful, the special effects are flawless, and the battle sequences are wonderfully choreographed. If you aren't interested in any of that then you can just relax and enjoy watching Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, and the rest of the cast.Hundreds of years later Troy was still remembered in Homer's time because it was a clash between two great civilizations which went to war and destroyed themselves
click here 4 comments on troy

little buddha
a good watch only if u haf some background on buddhism. keanu reeves is prince siddharta but he looks 2 me more like an egyptian prince than an Indian one.

chicago:the musical
award winning movie

Everyone loves a legend--but in Chicago, there's only room for one. Velma Kelly burns in the spotlight as a nightclub sensation. When she shoots her philandering husband, she lands on Chicago's famed murderess row, retains Chicago's slickest lawyer, Billy Flynn, and becomes the center of the town's most notorious murder case--only increasing her celebrity. Roxie Hart, seduced by the city's promise of style and adventure, dreams of singing and dancing her way to stardom. When Roxie's abusive lover tries to walk out on her, she too ends up in prison. The ambitious Billy recognizes another made-for-tabloids story, and postpones Velma's court date to take on Roxie's case. Infamy is Roxie's ticket to stardom. Billy turns her crime of passion into celebrity headlines, and in this town, where murder is a form of entertainment, she becomes a bona fide star--much to Velma's chagrin. As Roxie fashions herself out to be America's latest sweetheart, Velma has more than a few surprises in store for her. Tensions climax as the two women stop at nothing to outdo each other in their obsessive pursuit of fame and celebrity...

adapted from here because I'm lazy

catherine zeta jones is some actress as I watched her sing, seduce and do split(darn versatile) and dance.
some sexy jazz and all that theatre glamour 2 make u misty!!

terminal
Tom hank's best movie after Forrest Gump. U just haf 2 love his character that makes u all heart-warmy.my personal favorite of the 6 movies I've watched dis week. Watch it n u'll know y!~~

the talented mR.ripley
not finish watching yet... but it has 6 nominations 4 the academy awards. The nominations speaks 4 the movie itself!

I have the CDs (amazingly they r all original CDs*the pride) smile smugly and in folded arms. U can lend it if u want but tell me beforehand lah when we r goin out.

infamous-lah you!

2005-12-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

Quote from movie chicago: if you can't be famous. Be infamous.

mY limbs are unnervingly weak, I felt like a grumpy old lady, I think that's basically how a person feels when he/she have too much time to spare, or when they are too rich and they don't have 2 do nothing. Which of course I wished i was the latter but unfortunately...

Chatted with Wilson last tuesday,actually more politically correct, we crap-ed(crup?) and we bitch-ed(butch?) and he had alot of great insights(right!ahaha). He said something like (chinese philosophical cliches): ju geng fei ren geng chud meng when translates to english for the convenience of my banana frens:> is Pigs are afraid of fats as human beings are afraid of fame.
I said MY ASS. Yep, MY BIG FAT ASS.(scroll down to view a picture of it)

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ahahhaha...in ur dreams

anyway,Bcos we soOoo bitched about this particular blogger,(feels hair standing behind neck) when mentioned her name so I'm not mentioning it and it's rude(look innocent), I had like to say people DO crave fame (with a CAPITAL F), and they'll do anything to be famous, and they are famous for all the wrong reasons. tsk tsk tsk, I mean, I surely don't want 2 be famous but have half of the world population hate me. I'm not going to link her(for the simple reason that she's infamous enough)

But looking at her blog, you'll see she has quite a humoungous quality of narcicissm in her. She talks about herself like nobody else. Imagine a conversation with this lady so engrossed in her ultra pinki-ness and herself. Narcicissm is good, or ego. Do you know that napoleon believes he needs 6 bottles of rat poison to kill himself that when he took them all he end up alive because his vomit them all out when his stomach couldn't take that huge amount of poison. Ego can save your life.

Anyone:Hi,nice to meet you.

Her:Hi,nice to see that you finally meet me.

Anyone:ermmm...so how are u right now?

Her:Me, oh my gawd, I love it when people ask this question, anything as long as I could talk
about myself. *muaks(twirls with hair)

continues...

You know what, anything about me you could read from my blog because right now I have to fix my mascara, I can feel that my right eye is heavier to the left, and I believe that there are 500 more people behind you have come to say hi with me, so if you don't mind please
(utters a M-O-V-E under her breath)... I would like to let you know more, of anything about me, because that's all that matters to you right? But maybe someday you can read about them on the papers or in the mags... *bye darling muaks muaks*NEXT PERSON~~(puts on stila lipshine)

pushed the poor fella to the side.

oKay. so much for bitchiness. and at her sidebar she wrotes: xue is snow in mandarin. stupid.
hello? is anyone asking? double stupidity.This post is for sole entertainment purpose and because of ethical reason, I'm so not telling you who she is. But I've dropped an obvious hint somewhere like up there. But Can't deny that people do feel good when they are written in someone elses blog. I know people who craves for other people to write about them. and you SOo know who you are. Click here (for the courtesy of you,fikri appearing in my tagboard and saying my blog is no longer boring) a million thanks, sprinkles rose buds *~~~~<@ and watery eyes.

I would like to thank foremost my parents for raising me up,...my friends...

And also, iki putra who loves me because he loves how good he looks in my camera. Link here

This post- exam syndrome is no good.

Commercial Break

2005-11-29T14:44:00.000+08:00

Time for a commercial break after all the previous heavy readings!
(laughs and role all over the floor)

~~~~~~~~~************Druuuummmmmssss Rooooooolllllllllllsssssss**********~~~~~~~~~

This is a great blog! 2 thumbs up!

'nuff said.

I've definitely have brought narcicissm up to a whole new level.
(imagines Iki Putra strangling me with sushi rolls,ey)
Who calls me to own a camera?*smirk*

people who wants their pictures desperately, u know who you are( cow, stick etc etc) check flickr photos as I've had them uploaded.

And you will buy the book from?

2005-11-29T09:21:00.000+08:00

The Better Salesperson?

Shiao Wei

Vs

Chang Khai

If these 2 people approach you each trying 2 sell a book,which will succeed in their persuasive efforts? ( a really tricky question)

First, we have our sweet [Shiao Wei]model figurine demonstrating a book on 'human resource'. The gaze, the mesmerizing smile that could kill a crowd of honey-thirsty bees(or men) and a great bod to go along with it. That shimmering black hair fit for a sunsilk advertisement!A very 'resourceful' human beauty indeed to pump up that annual sales figure!

And next we have our friend [Chang Khai] here, by deliberate efforts or just plain coincidence, he wore pink and there on his skinny fingertips held up a book by Pamela Anderson, a pink Star covering exactly the spot(or anatomy more respectfully put) that make her renowned world wide-her very L-A-R-G-E chests!I mean like LARGE,totally!There he uses his body language to show you how enticing this book could really be, the promiscuous grin of motivation 2 indulge in dis very uhm, sexy? or perhaps revealing book detailing on her glam life~~Look at him smirk.

I think everyone has opted 4 a winner by now!

psssttt..I am not telling anyone that I opted Chang Khai as the better salesperson. I mean, look at how he grins at the sight of the book, must be quite a juicy read!rowf rowf rowf!hahaha:P

Life's little pleasures

2005-11-29T06:41:00.000+08:00

jeng jeng jeng! Let us now play a game...which of the picture is really what they look like, a crowd of drunkened kids! eh hem, i mean, fast asleep dahlings in a comfy limo on a rainy day in Penang Island!

And the correct answer is...

Is...

Is...

Is...

the second photo!These 2 true/false pictures were taken on my birthday on the way 2 Gurney Plaza 4 some last minute shopping(4 my cousins because my mom spoiled them and because they are adorable like hell and their parents really can't afford unnecessities). Or maybe because unlike my mom, they don't want 2 spoilt these noisy bunch! And since it's their kids, maybe they've seen 2 much of them 2 think they are still adorable. But whateva, I love my cousins. Period.

So I was sitting on the passenger seat in front. So I was like usual flirting with my metallic sexy/glamorous red color Sony camera. So I noticed that after almost half an hour of driving from Equatorial hotel, my sister(the leader) were leading the rest to doze off together. So I snapped a picture of the 4 of them. So I requested another 'counterfeit sleeping picture' when they woke up after showing them the picture and laughing at(with) them. And the amazing thing is, they happily agreed 2 pose 4 me like professionals who get paid doing stunts like these. haha. Sporting them.

The pictures taught us a valuable lesson, joy of sleeping "together" is double when your picture was secretly taken. ahahha. the evil-ness.

So I'd bought a pair of sport shoes from Parkson and my younger cousin(which is the eldest in her family in her Form 1 got one too-similar). I'm proud of her, the things that I knew probably liek one or two years back in my life she has already read it some where. And she's so pretty, like a little grown up.*thinks back my Form 1 days n shudders at the granmother specs frame with that grumpy PMS-ing teenage attitude* Kids nowadays are so well-informed on various knowledge(like how u die from lipo because of infections or how ur fats are in the way of ur blood circulation) I don't even know what's fats when i was her age. ahhaha, cis, I'm not as dumb as I've made myself sound:P

Bumped into Yishu n Suet in Gurney Plaza. Small world eh? Not really, because Gurney plaza is the only "shop-able" shopping complex in the whole of Penang island. Invited me 2 party at night but that wud mean abandoning my relatives 4 the sake of self-seeking pleasure. Anyway, ordered some mocktails n specialty coffees(note: wif alcohol) and let them haf a sip. Immediately know it's wasted on them after they demonstrate that "why the hell u wanna drink cough medicine in a champagne glass?" Ah..kids. Wait till they are much older then they'll know how 2 appreciate. I'm so unethical, and to see thay their parents had trusted that they are in GOOd hands. So not. I've sinned(bathe in holy water)

But I've truly had a great time just yakking away with them and snapping all that silly pictures away. Plus the food. Kids and Penang hawker food. Double Indulgence.*groan with pleasure* wrong.XP.Justification-I don't sound like Michael Jackson.

Happy Birthday 2 the world!yay!

whichever

2005-11-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

I am currently blogging from KL shangri la hotel. n i live here. Loooooooong story.

Have been dating someone too much. ehehehe. n caught doin illegal stuff;P

Meaning indulging in cakes n sweet beverages(what were u thinking?)

anyway stupid hotel charges every internet service 4 RM20 half an hour. It's killing me.

Should be back home by 2mrw night.

past n present. future?

2005-10-30T17:07:00.000+08:00

A random picture I took when flirting with my long digital companion olympus camera. Used to make a promise to self that must take one picture each day but 'promise are meant 2 be broken'? ey?

ey not. It's my inner lazy self eating away my ambitions. So I notice that TMY has a similar picture in his blog. click here . spooky coincidence. but kenot deny aesthetics values might be similar, no matter how different two people are. some of the pictures I've always wanted to take are anything but posers pictures, with unfamiliar faces dealing with everday work routines or just engaging in simple recreation activities n not aware that their pictures are being *snap snap shoot* taken away.

the supposedly pressure-defying trip 2 pyramid was supposedly to release the tension of media texts exam but after checking out various items, the wish-lists just got extended a handful! It was fun 2 shop with people who wants 2 buy everything and see them getting tension-fied of the most fundamental practical issue-
the lack of hard cash. yishu, lindy, sze mun, sophia n amazingly, matthew has their fair share of what they want! *make a salutation 2 matthew because everyone but him bought a pants from Topshop!* lindy was all about turqouise blouse, and shoes, and bags...and more bags. Me personally thinks turqouise is a classy color and after being more alert about her fetish in this oceanic green shades I seemed to find that color is in everywhere. someone is going to have a hard time deciding how to spend on which.*wink*

The girls just got my spending binge tickle on a bit. Saw this lovely golf-ing pants(checkers) that is unusually huge around the waist. lovely. so lovely. Notice that I suffered a severe lack of jeans in my wardrobe. Dis holiday I'm going to sniff around with more alert-ness, for some pair of orange glitter or baby blue ballet flats..that RM199 ruffle mustard skirt I saw from seventeen magazine!What's more, the beads and feathers kind of glamour queen bag that no girls can do without!

bein materialistic seems to be th norm!ei say~I used to nag my sister for overspending but I'm much as bad as she is now.[what a role model] they say if u can't beat them join them right? I'm using quotes to excuse myself, which is vry, vry bad.

Seems to think me too cynical at times. always felt apologetic along with shiao wei and sze yin for the people we scarred away when during the times in sri inai when they come up to us for just some chit chat. Dis is one part of the embarrasing past that i rather not talked about because goosebumps arise when recalling our hostility to one of the prefect during the merdeka drawing competition. but people change. from day 2 day. moment to moment and it is the versality that I like. and our hostility against Zachary has led to him condemning us "notorious" among our schoolmates. I learned the phrase "notorious" mind u and it is all thanks 2 him.

shiao wei is hell LOT more talkative now. darrell, and for the pete's sake choon wei finds her extra juicy{wrong} of her post-high school talkative-ness. and her slim figure n trademark long hair always make head turns, from guys in their twenties to ah pek's wif oily hair centred on the edges near the ear and their shirt unbuttoned two buttons revealing curly chest hair. *yuck* I always put up a protective front and would gave them a hell-most menacing stare that send them looking embarrasingly away. And Shiao wei laughing in between snorts when she found out what I've done. She's cun la no denying. feels insecure beside but has learnt in these painstaking years 2 just bear with it.

we always laughed silly when talked about our inexperience singing in the traumatizing experience singing Zorro's themed song in front of our Bear-like principal Xavier!>.

hav been changing like the weather in the days of my education in monash. It's probably the Course that is gradually changing all its once-innocent student beings. Now much more nicer. The bad habit of snapping at guys has change tremendously because used 2 stereotype all of them as jerks. The other man who r not constitute to members in my family tree. but also way over-expressive at times. n the sometimes uncontrollable urge to swear. the realization that to take serious matters with more lightness and to see the morale that funny stories and jokes hide when they are being told. the realization that people are mostly different and each is interesting as much as they are ridiculous; refrain from hating anyone because it only cast more unpleasant feelings to self. But trying to love everybody has prove 2 b a hard task, especially people who do not reciprocate.

2 much

2005-10-30T01:51:00.000+08:00

I'm a hardcore lose weighter.

I ate quite too much for a dieter tonight. N guess what?

I decided to burn them malicious calories off by insisting on getting the miniclip games to keep me awake.

I am just too much. a-just-too-much.

N everyone seems to be a nuisance tonight. a-just-too-much. In an adorable way of course.

First someone repeatedly use "blerr" in msn after learning the irritable malaysian slang. so cute! by the way he's a guy! n blerr seems to be a girl thing! This guy happens to adore Andrew!*hint hint!*

Secondly someone message to complain to me about their hostel( hostile) connection n calling me stupiak instead of stupid because they are trying very hard to sound stupid (or are they already?) *snort*

Thirdly someone request to treat me a hot dog (a 6 inch one mind you) in his house when the distance is there and another few hundred meters from my house! very ^_^ nice! *cough*

And a chun babe came up with the ultimate philosophical quote. "Life is a joke" and I counter-support[very wrong grammatical error-feels sorry for high school english teacher; who were they exactly?)](*utter meanness*) it by saying people are therefore jokers but I have a greater sense of humor in comparison in which people are the joke themselves where as I tell the joke.

The hardcore lose weighter is hungry at 3.30 am in the morning.

so if you are always losing weight. R u the lose weight-er or the weight loser?

Love, I really need to get some beauty sleep. Or else I would have a great bod but end up with a menacingly ugly face enhanced by merci-less dark eye bags. I love bags, but not this kind.

2005-10-17T17:06:00.000+08:00

He's the first guy I run into who have problem eating his crab! *shakes head* You are just plain old lazy aaron!It's a battle between man n sea creatures when he started devouring that piece of jigsaw puzzle!sigh~

Food is suppose to be enjoyable n a leisure activity*quote someone* why eat something that makes you sweat n get a headache?..and for aaron, it includes swearing n cursing at the pitiful dead crab.

The meal was fantastic, I love basically everything, the fried tou fu, the sweet n sour crab, the fried sambal kangkung, the coconut santan prawns, the kerabu fish(refer to picture below starring joanna) n alas, the coconut alcoholic beverages that got aaron spitting it out almost instantaneously when he took a big gulp!

But overall it's an outing not 2 be forgotten^_^ look forward 2 the real trip in november!

2005-10-17T17:00:00.000+08:00

W I L S O N!!!That pose is meaningless! I cannot figure out what u were doing? Ur pose is nonsensical, so are ur existence in the picture*oops* YOu look like you have a fetish over my chin!

People please observe the scandalous couple at the back. There were 2 pairs of them, honey-mooning..hehehe, so sweet right? Me jealous>.<

Yasir looks like a model from those renaissance painting, minus what he's wearing.
Everybody use ur imagination n picture him in those clothes Greek gods once wore..
out of place on the beach but sexy! ahaha

2005-10-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

I dunno who's the photographer, but he's making me look really promiscuous...
Or maybe it's yishu( no yishu my name is cooler) turning me on.

Oh she got a mosquieto bite right on her tummy!red spot right there!

2005-10-17T16:43:00.000+08:00

me and the maldivian looking afar to the horizons of the blue ocean... me thinking of my bright future n probably when can I have my yummy seafood dinner in coconut flower at klangtown, and yasir must be checking out if there are any gals in bikini doin the 'Baywatch' run to get himself distracted by his far ahead buka puasa time at 7-ish pm.

I love dis poser picture!!! Yay!

2005-10-17T15:48:00.000+08:00

I was in a good mood but bcos of the blazing sun I end up looking grumpy! Look at the frown, it makes me look 80 years older! Shud da take off the specs when taking photos!

Everyone is always dissatisfied with the way they look in photos la- but unfortunately that's how people normally look like- most naturally.

That's y we go studio 2 haf our pictures taken*.* I remember my last studio picture was a huge success. The only thing bothering me is that she doesn't look like me (sad rite?)

2005-10-17T15:33:00.000+08:00

Joanna love the kerabu fish so much she shown her affection to the head after the meal-

by planting a fishy Weeettttttt kiss n*muaks*

hahaha..she's not suppose to really kiss it but i pushed her head while someone snap the pciture *nyek nyek nyek*

2005-10-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

when we first arrived at Kg.Bumbun
from right to left
Yishu's butt,Sze mun's butt, Me(the main character),Aaron Lee the one with the earholes, n Maldivian Yasir!

En Core

2005-10-13T11:51:00.000+08:00

Okay people I admit I've got bad, lousy!! html skills that if I'm more humble I shouldn't even call it skills but bcos of the miserable grasp of english vocabs I should give up looking for a more sophisticated phrase temporary.

I will learn I promise. argh~Y am I so computer illiterate. Maybe I should hire someone to work things out for me! wait, I need cash to do that!Do I have them, No!For heaven's sake, everyone been telling me how poor they feel I feel poor too. *striken by poverty*

My mind's been so screwed up lately bcos I've been thinking too much nonsense. It's my unavoidable negative habit deeply embedded in me that prompts me to work as fast as a tortoise when it comes to assignments.

Can visualize all these spiral lines forming inside the brain *if I even possess them* Well, at least on regular basis lah! Mati-lah saya pening kepala@.@

Went to sentul West with Li Yien and Dr.Yeoh and Ly's fren Nita, Wei wan and MY(not the M-lab one fortunately)*snickers*. Watch the musical En Core which was absolutely heaven to the ears (and sight when Tony Yusof was the one performing, quite cute lah he ahahah) Both me and Li Yien agree that Chun Kan Ku and don't talk was two of our favourites, damn sad they didn't compiled these two in the CD Dr.Yeoh bought. (wanna listen again!)

stomp feet and throw tantrums because I cannot get to hear it again!*cries*

how mature!lalalala...

I think it goes like this.

If you don't have anything to say you just shut up (just shut up)

If you don't have anything to say then you don't talk cock (don't talk cock)

Love the way the ladies sing, first time ever vulgar words sound like music to the ears*amazing*
Ida Mariana's voice was damn chun, this is what I call real singing*love the setting because the stage was really near to the audience* Dr.Yeoh freaks me out when he says it is participatory kind of musical! Damn~where got!? I'm definitely sitting behind.

Nice place the Kuala Lumpur performing arts centre. The studio was this a industrial looking architecture and I thought it was a concept but turns out that it is historically a railway station or sthg. Don't quite remember. Very worth it for RM 25 students price.

Alex Koh a.k.a the guong tao lou (not so mean lah, he happens to be this bald guy). apologize for the lack of creativity when it comes to naming a character base on his or her physical appearance has this magnetic voice that magically or forcelly pull/drawn you into this void when he starts to sing or speak.

It was a nice performance. Nice is underrated. Promise to self must bring mum/dad/sis/ah wei/nee nee/siew kheng or at least recommend to every other friends who are interested in the high culture *nose grows looooong* when free, when assignment is no more abusing me and sucking me out of my sanity.

*take pills*

2005-10-08T12:18:00.000+08:00

Sien betul :-<

2005-09-26T13:57:00.001+08:00

Though I am not a regular at catching Desperate Housewives every Tuesday night, but I know when it comes to love, most people are desperate about it. It’s just whether you’re honest about admitting it. Haha. And it seems the more scandalous a relationship, the more people indulge in it and don’t want to pull out. Even Kenny Sia was contemplating on one himself.

But quoting from funnyman Phua Chu Kang “dun pray-pray”, it’s serious matter because it takes away much of your sanity. Being the good old logical-thinking me I’ll never do anything so dramatic, it’s like almost a stage-play and my scorpion melancholic elements would naturally prevent me from putting a foot into it.

But it all depends whether the guy is cute/ or not. (wrong wrong) *hit forehead to knock some sense back into self*

No no. Dun mistaken me for an expert to counsel your relationship dilemma. I’m an amateur or close to a dumb ass when it comes to girl-boy problem. Ahahaha… shouldn’t be too happy about it.

Sigh!~ Isn’t it ever so lucky that you fall in love with someone as he fell in love simultaneously with you.. *dreamy eyes* but in reality this is ever so hard. Rachel once warned to not attract “Sou chou see” that cling on to you and refuse to move their sticky arse off you. Wise Rachel. For those very ignorant of canton slang, I think Sou Chou See means some shite from sumwhere in mainland China…

That’s my ‘according-to-myself’ interpretation and my ego could never prove I’m right so you shouldn’t believe in everything I said.

I’m not even sure whether I should continue to blog because my phoneline is link to my fax machine. Any minute people will be faxing in.. ergh/office work. Hate it. Could never work in an office of the dull everyday routine. Kill me instead if my future work does not require lots of traveling. *more dreamy eyes*

It seems that everyone nowadays hate working in the office environ.

No blame on them. People of the 21st century are ever so easily bored.

I hate working from home apparently. But more apparently I hate work. And assignments.

No wonder I always have this feely that assignments are necessarily an evil word/ phrase. I shortcut named it ass. It’s a pain in whoever arse. It’s bloody arse work. My so-called holidays is piled with work work and more work. Somebody please finished them off for me with a guarantee of the least D mark. D for Distinction. I will bloody love you to death.

And I have a feeling it will be bloody expensive to pay this person, or bloody impossible that such fella with such a gold heart will actually exist *imagines a fairy god-mother waving her magic wand at my blank Microsoft word document and in split seconds 2,500 words of a intelligent masterpiece emerge on the screen*

And that clubbing date I’ve promised Ayushna the hot babe is getting blurry as *imagines image fades away as I helplessly try to graze it* tears flood my house.

The weather is maddeningly hot. So is my temper. Nobody ask the reason of my PMS mood because it’s evident I’m deprived of fun. I need more sanguine-ness in my personality or else I will end up something like Dorothy in Blue Velvet (half way through the show) with terminal depression. But I’m not saying I’ll run around naked and plead ‘hit me’, ‘hit me’..

*Hit me now though as I’m sien gau-gau trying to figure out what those scholars are trying to say in the reader… Monash is evil. It’s a madhouse in disguise, instead of a sanctuary separating the mad and the normal-brain civilians, it’s creating a bunch of poor people on the verge of breakdown. Only the strongest survive. Those are the ones who graduate and still remain sane like how they were b4 coming here

Sien betul. I think I need to pee. (I’m also near breakdown it seems)

Music. Melody. Songs. Rhythm. I love em.

2005-09-18T14:48:00.000+08:00

euck!hate coming up wif titles!

2005-09-13T18:45:00.000+08:00

Was very, very proud of the stage performance that me and Sister Lay directed on last Sunday,11th of September... I was headwired having to take care of so many things at the same time. Another teacher was holding a "mini" demonstration...she didn't contribute to the things that she's suppose 2 do, and yet she complained about the scenes that I took care of, so it's very frustrating. And on the day of the performance itself, where she's suppose to come and take care of the people-positioning. She didn't. She called someone else and declared that she's not coming because she's having a migraine... My gawd!!! How old is she to behave like this? Grow up!grrr,I wished I could said that to her face...But she didn't showed up!I have a feeling she's a spinster that's y they are abit weird in terms of personality..okay,it's bad to generalize or stereotype but I couldn't help it, it's so darn hard to communicate with people like her! And what's worse is that she couldn't realized that the problem was on her and she's blaming me n Lay for not communicating sufficiently with her! Excuseeeeee mmmmeeeeeeee... me n Lay didn't communicate as much as u think we did but we discuss n do what were suppose 2 be done!

The stage performance entitled "enlightenment" is a success! Yeah!especially towards the ending when the children throw flowers at the Bodhisatta n in addition with the lights...everything looks damn good!The thing about being the director cum make-up artist cum narrator cum people-positioner you cannot enjoy the performance that u work soOOoo hard to produce yourself! ~~~sigh...lucky they record it wif a video-cam n that's the only way I could watch it again! But argh...I dunno when they are going to transfer the content on a VCD!!!Arhhh!!!So looking forward to it!

I should blog abit about Meng Yoe here..he's currently disturbing me from blogging properly. And he amazes me in the wrong way because he could multi-task real well... but that leads to him not being able to complete his 500 words on Calender ASAP. He's irritating the eyeballs out of his classmates in msn, and reading his assignment out LOUD in the most gross way when he thinks it sounded romantic..

Back to more important stuff(yup,which reminds me of my assignment) but first I have to make sure I get home first!!aiyayayay....what's wrong with me? terrible terrible terrible...I couldn't state out the reason for feeling like this(crap) non-sensical!!!I'm feeling abit whimsical, i've been hanging out too much with the wrong kind of people!muahahah, u know who u are!

On love

2005-09-09T12:51:00.000+08:00

He has become to me-a romantic terrorist. There is an uncertainty the time and whereabouts that he might strike me-emotionally. In that differences with real-life terrorism that my physical appearance would still remain complete and whole but the inside system is incongrously scarred.

If love is like religion is like insurance, we fall in love to insured that we would not remain lonely on nights when thoughts of doomed of ending up alone for the rest of the days. There lies a conspiracy that if we were never taught the notion of falling in love, mankind would never not know what's love all about. So, is love embedded within humanity or whether it's merely like all the rest of the formation of knowledge in the world-that it is only 'natural' because everyone believe in it-an arbitrary sign, a construction?

I couldn't say I love you. Because when feelings are transfered to linguistics signs the whole beauty of my emotions would be my foolhardy attempts in trying too hard. and in trying to describe in words the intriguing complication would just lost in transition... I couldn't allowed that to happen. Man is the symbolic, metaphorical creature: Unable to communicate my adoration, I channel my frustration into languages. But in my situation I envied the animal kingdom where a dog just get physical with another he's attracted to, and if the female doesn't see him the way he sees her, all she has to do is take a bite.. and the message is convey. Straightforward and a 'perfectly transparent communication'... the meaning ties to the code is decode rather effortlessly. No double-meanings, no misunderstanding. But there seems to be a lacking in the process: perhaps human nature really need all that conflict and heartache to be the higher being.

My existence in your life perhaps need no reasoning, nor explanation. And yours in mine. We are the functionless function in that we just happen to be there. Not even for each other. Not even not for each other. Like a brief conversation with someone you meet on a public transport, the pleasantries exchange and the inability to remember anything when you are very sure there's something he said that you find inspiring... It's a momentary participation into someone elses life but it carries no connotation with it. And it is this void- the uneasiness created by the desire of explaining every single occurence that I find traumatising.

This person whom I know very well. And that I started to like. But I do not long for him. It is the notorious greed embodied in us that we only longed for people who remains a mystery to us.
And let the other him be that embodiment of myth-just like he always was.

2005-08-29T16:54:00.000+08:00

The things I've been doing lately,I thinked I'm inviting trouble that I cannot foresee but could sense with my instinct.

Bad instinct. Bad behaviour.

I've been utterly naughty:-(

2005-08-26T11:29:00.000+08:00

Let not the past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of what is becoming of you.
-My BIG fat Greek Wedding

We'll see

2005-08-23T13:36:00.000+08:00

There's so many things in life that u can contribute,but some people just couldn't bring their senses up to realize that...

I thought verbal attack should stop at the latest in ur secondary school days,but i couldn't be more wrong,just looked at the 'recent' happenings in my blog...it couldn't get more interesting, people coming up to say 'hey,u r fat'..trying to show that they couldn't know it more than u urself would have get it...n they are 'normal' because they are skinny.BUt in the process of such remarks they didn't realized how lowly they have portrayed themselves...u look normal from the outside, you possess a mind like everyone else,u are physically able,ur parents send u to school so u could get a degree n work n get married n *everybody knows how it goes*...but all u could contribute is coming up 2 somebody's site n say :omg,eva u fat girl.. n 'visit my fabolous pornsite..www.hotmale.com'...I couldn't think of all the rice n grains that ur parents feed u with and all u cud do is attack people,from behind.

You are safe,of course,nobody knows who you are..u come up with a name but nobody know who the real 'you' is..n u get addicted once and again trying to say mean things to confirm how further u could hurt this person.But have you ever look into the mirror n find a face laughing back at you?Are u even conscious enough to realize that what you are doing is doing you no good?Maybe, u dun,that's y it's addictive..the pleasure that I'm on the up front,u r in the shadow..that the idea of never 'getting caught'. You could write anything u like,hatespeech, discriminating remarks. Isn't the idea just tantalizing,to so freely expressing urself without the need to be responsible of anything u say.

That's why Malaysia is not ready for free press yet...because our citizens does not have the mentality mature enough to say things n be fair to the audiences directed to...They don't know what's virtue n courtesy,manners n morality...perhaps they know,on the surface but they just dun put it into practice. It's ALL paper talk. That's why like the Singapore government, ours should too banned porn sites so that out people could be aware that there "hey,there are other materials out there worth reading about like literature" that could help cultivate ur intellectual side.

I don't think the person meant 4 dis post would be seriously reading dis...maybe u wud, maybe u wud not. I could even predict what you are going to do after this post is published...get a new name,or pretend that u r me, or one of my fren, continue ur attack on this blog, on my comments or in my chatterbox because u felt that justice is not done 2 u...U dun deserve dis.

Whatever u r going to do, we'll just open our eyes n see...

Wonka weirdness

2005-08-22T10:46:00.000+08:00

My mind keep coming up with all kinds of theories n observation while watching 'Charlie n the choclate factory'...not a moment of peace.

Thanks 2 Andrew. Sir,if u see this post,here's sthg 4 u*blerk*

okay,okay,this is soOo wrong.

I only dare 2 do it because I know how he does not read my blog. or maybe..let's not wander over there.

Johnny Depp makeover really sends chills down my spine because he looks creepy,n he sounds creepy too. We all know dat he knows dat he's good-looking n to let the audience focus on his acting therefore he(and tim Burton) teams up to produce dis bizarre film...Both guys are with a resume in the strangely weird,n trippy...

This movie could actually count as a children's horror film...a dark fable to scare kids to not turning into spoiled, overeating, video-game obsessed n gum-chewing brats. Very good-behaviourly centred while us adults just watch it for the whimsical fantasy visual gratification. But I cannot deny being spooked (in great deal) by Wonka and his weird little choclate factory... it looks like an innocent wonderful fantasy land(especially choclate yum yum yum) but evil lives within..for the naughty kids of course...n oompa-loompa...my gawd,he's soOoo everywhere! He's all over the movie set,n I have d nudging feeling that he actually receives more in payment compare to Mr.Depp himself because he worked double,perhaps thrice the time harder..poor Indian fella... but to see him fit into body-hugging uniform is quite a pain in the eye...n to see him dance(from jazz to rock), sing, talk, worked as the psychologist, the administrator, the Clerk(haha), the chief, n his own people n alas...the narrator is enough to make me feel that he's actually the main character in the show.pretty talented a man to be soo showy...

The song itself is still ringing in my head..Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka..lalalalala*argh*

Let's not talk about the film being racist, that why the oompa-loompas happen
to be Indian n so tiny in size n the hidden agenda that we are all working for the capitalist society(Wonka being the superior white man form) n that how unhappy those proletariats(oompa-loompas) were...always having something to do, not a moment of rest...

However,Wonka's childishness and eccentric quirks make sense because his father,an obsessive father(also a dentist) with sparkling-clean teeth n anti-candies attitude... n his son later becomes the owner of the greatest choclate factory in the world... However,I can't helped but notice how his dark choclate looks like they are unlikely to be eaten. was furiously worried when the old man of Charlie tries to take a bite...There's also a part where the audience were tricked into thinking that his grandpa died after handling him his only valuable possession-the coin n his eye lids dropped slowly~Nice work,Burton! tsk

The kids were good actually...love the fat kid n the spoiled brat's accent, n Charlie's mature-ness was very emotion stirring.B+ for the movie~~

Ponteng Class Queen-self declared

2005-08-17T17:50:00.000+08:00

Skipped class yesterday!

I never knew that skipping class could be soOo "emotionally" satisfying...hahaha! I just love the feeling of turning rotten!Had an intense conversation with Li Yien and Bei Yan on wut else..girl's stuff lah!You know when girls crowd around nobody could tune them down n the topic never wanders far away from single'doom' and relationship matters...

So 3 of us,busy chomping on snacks which is suppose to be a forbidden object in the M-lab...while sharing our previous so-call 'experience'...provided we even haf any.Anyway,digged out some really interesting stuff n was glad I missed Tang's class. *hands clasped to make a promise this is the 1st n the last time I'm pontenging Tang's class*^^^^guilt guilt guilt...

Just love gals talk. It's soooooo 'girlie'..haha,wut more can I say? N soooo bitchifying!

Yes,Li Yien,her story touches me as well, n I'm so envious,to be honest!that lucky girl...grrrr!
I shouldn't be doing dis,my pride disallows me 2 dream on~*sigh*

childhood sweetheart...

2005-08-17T17:48:00.000+08:00

It's 6.05 pm. N I'm still bumming around M-Lab...

Wilson is laughing at my act of 'blogging'...maybe I shouldn't even mentioned about him here. Later he jadi 'yao min'.

I'm hungry. I'm hunger for banana cake. But look at the time now,I think the canteen has nothing left for me.

*grumbling from the abdomen*

better ciao.

Shout Out

2005-08-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

This is furiously irritating!

Stop coming to people's blog and advertise,this is a private domain only for my friends n people who really DOES have something important to say!

Otherwise buzz off!

Freaking advertisers,U r already everywhere,in the newspaper,on the internet,on Tv...stay where u are n stop onterfering into other people's blog!

grrrrr!!!

Some people. Something

2005-08-09T19:04:00.000+08:00

Some people know some things.
Some people know too little of anything.
Some people know a little about many things.
Some people know too little of anything.
Some people know too much of nothing.
But mostly nobody can know every thing. And nobody can know nothing.

But it's people who knows little about every single thing that scares me because they seem to think that they know a great whole lot of many things but there's no specialized knowledge but when they start expressing what they want to say they sound like they know basically everything is there to know and it makes me feel like I'm one of the some people who know too little about great many of things.

Rat race..or something like it.

2005-08-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think advise really just exist to create an illusion that we could solve our problems by mentally reading it over and over again until the matter ceases at the end of the day.

Advises are really cheap thing.

Maybe yes. maybe not.

What about the time when I read from a book that says " smile, even if u think the day is crushing on you, for the simple expression of lifting your lips will help u feel better."

N then I remember, a phrase planted deep within my consciousness that goes like this "If you feel like crying, don't hold your tears, for crying itself is a cure, an alternate form of medication ."

So if I'm feeling like crap, I still had to struggle to check with which piece of advise to take...

It's like cutting into a juicy piece of tomato, no matter how thin u try to slice it, with your bestest attempt, there still exist two layers. One on the right, one on the left. One on the front, one at the back. But the saddest thing is, I've smiled a million times but I cannot find joy, and the detachment from feeling sorry for a long time had numb my ability to shed a tear, even a single tear. N the realization as such send a chill down my spine.

What am I becoming into?

I've race all my life, like everyone else. We try to outrun ourselves and other people in the most mundane (but inevitably still very vital aspects) e.g. homework(which is how we call them back in high school) n then assignments(which sounds so sophisticated n is a term widely despised by students in varsity n is only sophisticated because it means harder work unfortunately)... n then in the workplace, our projects(whatever those working class term them)...

I've race all my life. But I've never race so hard, with so much passion n anguish like now.

I'm running so hard that even though I know that if I don't slow down, to take a breath before I passed out ...I still keep running. Of course, these are merely metaphors.

It seems like everyone else around is running so well, so effortless. That I could not afford to catch my breath. No time to lose.

It's very nauseating, the exhaustion. My visions are turning blurry, and to make matter worse, my shoe lace has lossen up..

feely

2005-08-08T19:06:00.000+08:00

Women are women today because we are "realised"that way.
-Pat

Women are submissive, emotional, soft, passive, a shopaholic, motherly, good-nature, feminine, and anything a women behave other than that is consider un-womanly, or manly because the discourse tell us such. (n deserve to be punished just like in Psycho,haha)

sumone strangle me please.

Maybe it's in my genes, i dunno... bloody $@&#* emotional lately.

Maybe because I'm a subject in this discourse and I'm ideologized to behave as such.

I know I know everyone who's also doin communication please bear with me I just can't get these subjects out of my head. N it's a gud thing I'm doin dis for the sake of helping my raeder revise whateva Pat had taught us...

I know gloom is an unnecessary emotions because when we dwell too deeply into it, we just keep falling, u empathise with only yourself, and the act of feeling sorry for oneself is pretty addictive. Maybe it's because you dun really know what else to do, n there's not a helping hand to pull u out of dis piece of shit!

Time n time again I kept tellin myself to come up with some post resourceful n inspirational...

but I guess there's a very BIG size bimbo living inside of me, bigger than the one you see on the surface(wic is me thank q) , consuming all beneficial knowledges n turning into urges to hunt for dress n skirts, n accesories...

Sigh.. That's not me. but dis is pretty refreshing to hear dun u think so?

Watched Legally Blonde 2 yesterday, haf an ugly urge to but Ipod. It's a shimmering pink one that screams Get me Get me Get me!!!!!

instances of anger n annoyance-mainly towards self n the others

2005-08-07T15:17:00.000+08:00

U know it's really pissin off when u lose some few pounds in a week n regain it back in 2 days time....

n then it happens every week.... like one day u r so enthusiastic u can starve urself but the next day u eat like a cow??? Cow probably doesn't eat like this since vegetarian doesn't haf much choice... n u see, they are not mediated creatures like us who tries to fit ourself into this skimpy dress n tries to look like kate moss..

n then u feel blue... but being a somewhat positive person, u pull urself up n then say"it's alright, i can do better tomorrow"... n guess what, u really worked darn hard tomorrow, n when u stand on the weighing scale, u feel like sooOoo accomplished... n to celebrate that ego feeling u treat urself the day after the next day that's sure to make eevrything goes back 2 how they were in the first place...

Dis piece should be continue l8r because I've master the art of complaining n i assure u I'm very. very gud at it...maybe i can even start a workshop... ,must go back to dieting*ciao*

watchin an expressionist film

2005-08-03T16:55:00.000+08:00

Watching an expressionist film, there's not much to say about it, if you don't get the meaning of the movie.

Most people dun, and that's normal. If you start "understanding" the movie beforehand, there's something seriously wrong with you.

I dun take it when Andrew says if we give up when we dun get the meaning, that just says alot about us,how we only find the 'familiar' approachable. And he looked at us with this malicious expression...

*sigh* but I dun find it scary cause I've been "normalized". All of us is normalized so he should not really expect too much from us. I mean, I'm not being pessimistic but really- we've been trained to watch movies that is rich in narrative, easy to comprehend and better still, make us laugh and probably talk for a while, but not leave an extra impact. There's not much need to clarify, perhaps we are just too lazy. We have too much problem to solve in our daily lives. There's really no need to add more by watching something we cannot fully grasp and be disturbed by it and ended up unable to eat ur dinner or suffer from insomnia later.

Ironic.

But I'm not afraid to watch, just very dispirited if I cannot get it!

Just feel like being played in the palms of the director n ...

2005-08-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

What will you do if you know about everything there is to learn in this world?

Maybe not in terms of very technical details that stream into subjects like engineering or bio science to say-but perhaps the truth?

BUt is the one truth out there, rather than several layers of reality-each consist their versions of exposition,each makes sense...

What are we looking for?

Secret Affair

2005-07-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

On one mundane n lazy Saturday morning,feeling far too curvacious than I could possibly handle...that is,feeling fat is another way(a nicer way) of saying things,I decided to slow jog in the neighbourhood while the birds are still chirping away, while the cars are still few on the street n while barking dogs are still asleep on their furry legs.

I put on my jogging suit,not the tight-fitting type that Britney Spears wore in her Hit me baby one more time MTV thank q,I am stone sure I would create lots of damage with cars crashing onto others if I'm to cat walk that down the street...haha.

But I'm considering wearing the same colour of what she wore-blood red that is. Because red is the colour of passion you see. And when you need to constantly feel like u need some extra something to continue on an activity u really hate in reality-in my case which undoubtedly is exercise, yup, I need the color red to put that passion back in exercising.

So along with my red jog suit, and thenn abit of red lip stick...n a pair of sport shoes..red of course.I'm all set n ready to go.

N then I jogged down...the sweat was coming slow because my metabolism is as active as my mother's sewing machine which was around the corner of the store room since she abandoned it some 10 years ago when she figured out that her daughters are too grown up for lace and ribbons.

N then I jogged somemore...

some more...

n then more...

n then...

at the corner of my eyes I thought I saw the handsom-est looking thing I've ever seen b4,with curly hair,bright eyes n he turned back the moment he saw me...

I blush but he gave me this warmest n friendliest look I've never speculated..and I thought: I'm soOooo going to hold you and show my affection by showering kisses all over you if you come any closer...."

And then to my surprise he did as I wished..he move step by step, My heart throbs as he drew nearer...n nearer..n then suddenly he was right in front of me.

He looks right at me.N kisses me.

He was a lost puppy belonging to a nearby Aunty Wong. I carried him in my arms as I jogges further down the street, indulge in the temporary fainting sensation of owning my own puppy, contemplating n struggling with my moral beliefs whether or not to bring him home n declare him my own b4 returning 2 it's owner quite reluctantly.

I think he's owner did a terrible job in terms of bathing him because he kind of stinks.

N because i was cuddling him so much I stink from him more than I stink from perspiration.

N then our "little" affair came to an abrupt end after i take sum photoshots of him n me b4 letting him go home.

sigh~ so romantic.

The Uni-Cafe horror

2005-07-25T15:19:00.000+08:00

Something eerie happen 2day..and it doesn't involve blood stain on the carpet and the reflection of a little girl thank q.

But It does involved a wrinkly hand from under the bed though....

Uhm..just joking.

This take place in the cafetaria in Monash.

I was talking to a fren of a very close fren n as we start conversing more n more we found out that we were classmate back in primary school n he used 2 sit beside me n we used to poke each other flesh 2 inflict pain with our mechanical pencils supposedlt used for writing n handing up our homework. N the more eerie thing is we were both infamous or notorious 4 not handing up our homework...

Anyway, I was complimenting him 4 having tremendously splendid power of memory when he replied that he only remember people he hold grudges against...and just as natural n innocent as a guy who pulled the hair of the poor girl who sat infront of him in class...I changed the subject of the conversation..And he goes:"yup,..we really should talk about other things.we should we should...this is really creepy!"

The things is, I do remember the loyal ritual of poking the flesh of every guy who sat next to me in class during my PMs-ing primary school period...and so I was rather surprise that I don't recall such a person-who had this priviledge to sit beside me b4...I don't recall his name, I don't recall how he looks like, i don't recall his features..Nothing about him.Zero. Kosong.

That says a lot about me letting go my past...perhaps a little bit too strong than necessarily.

So turns out that he's indeed change a lot...because how could I not recall such a cute-looking guy?=P

sigh

2005-07-25T15:11:00.000+08:00

2nd week of Uni..and I'm only begin 2 blog after one week classes commences.

funny things that I've heard recently-

Me:Aaron,y r u here?Do u haf classes?

Him:Yes.I do.

Me:What class?

Him:The classes are always around.It's just that they don't have lessons in it.

Me:......

-.-;

Roaming across KL

2005-07-14T10:42:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...feel gud these few days cos have been on the rush-have been doing things impulsively.

Woke up yesterday with a soar throat,not because have been over-indulging in durians but because of the late-night ktv session in songbird SS2-from 10pm till 2.30am, which costs moi about RM40..so unbelievably pricey!Factors contributing to the pain might be that I abuse my voice, or have been laughing too hard because the guys-Meng fai and Ka kit was uhm..funny to the bones n was singing in distorted voices..and perhaps the Coke that I drank had substances inside that do things to ur weaken ur body system.It was invigorating nevertheless and the meet up was unexpected!

Accidentally bumped into them in front of Swensen in SS2 and it was a pleasant surprise-except that he was reprimanded by moi 4 not calling to organize any gathering since he was back here! It was actually very creepy because this is already the 3rd time I bumped into him-in a seafood retaurant,in the monorail,in SS2..It's either I go out too much or I have bad taste in hang-out spots(hehe)No yi hei!After realizing that it was more reasonable to just go 4 some ice-cream instead of blocking the way outside of the sundae shop,we got our seats upstairs.The frosted chocolate malt was yummylicious and my dinner was it!And then Ka Kit and Weng Fai turned up and more ice-cream!!!Ice-cream brings out the child in you but haha..with these guys our conversation was pretty "mature"!*grins*

And this morning I woke up with soar limbs-my feet hurts like insane because I went shopping with Ayushna,Yuki and Zeck in petaling Street-it was sheer enjoyment=).I brought a pair of glasses with thick black frames which costs me only RM12..it was originally 18 bucks but my charm successfully got me a cheaper price..muahaha!A watch which looks like antique for RM10 only!A very balinese style handbag which costs me RM27-slightly expensive because I got it from a shop near the kemayan law college-not far away from petaling street. 3 DvCds for RM24(look right and left in case the ISA come charging by)n I only regretted not getting any "pirated" LV or Gucci bags because I was lost in the abundance of choices they offered!Must go back b4 next week when uni starts!!!With my mom preferably when she's the minister of finance in the house!*evil laugh*Also got 400 grams of cherries for RM19 which Zeck and Yuki cannot stop digging into because it was delicious and a luxury fruit item~hey pay me back!!hehe.I highly recommend shopping 4 VCDs there because unlike in pasar malam they sell not only the recent movies but also award-winning ones!

I had so many drinks yesterday-air bandung+soya bean+longan+green tea peppermint ice-blended in Domes KLCC-which me and Ayushna walked to from Jalan P.Ramlee~We felt like tourists and it was exhilirating-cause have been too dependant on vehicles when go anywhere!Our feet was killing us but we felt great nevertheless because we could feel our fats being burned away~ahaha..But our success comes to a sudden halt when we each order high-caloried beverages and slurp away every last drop in the cafe!

Very satisfied..lalala!felt soO refreshed and ready to face school again~

2005-07-07T09:26:00.000+08:00

But love is such a mystery

I cannot find it out;

For when I think I'm best resolved,

I then am most in doubt.

random musings

2005-07-07T07:46:00.000+08:00

ok ok...i admit. I'm moody to hell it's juz dat i'm soOo gud at hiding feelings I don't show it.

Shit. I wished I have higher EQ. I'm pretty satisfied with my IQ though. Why? haha.. u sure u wanna know?

I've sometimes have too much negative emotions and thoughts in me I felt like a garbage bin. All stinky inside. Need to be cleared out. Too negative for my own good. Too manipulative. Too not gullible. N too critical. I wished I was more dumb. *cough* All too...for my own good.

They say you are most happy when u r in touch with ur inner child or something like that. Because u dun gif a care about what the others is thinking. You are gullible. You are trusting. You are content. You are curious. You don't want to analyze people. You just want to know what's new and latest this life can offer to you -toy or some other object of mankind's creation that could leave you "toying" with it for hours thinking of ways to play with it.

haha. I'm talking as if there's one grumpy n wrinkly old lady with greying hair and bad mood living inside of me. N people say I'm cheerful. Hello! I'm aware that I'm exposing myself here to much, not in the "look at my fleshy body" sense but I hate feeling vulnerable. But knowing ur bad points is always better than being ignorant because then u'll know what u need to change.

Call me Eva Socrates. muahahaha. so philosophical. There's Tao Zi, Kong Zi..or call me E zi. That sounds so intellectual..haha,I like it:D. N it soO modern..hello,e-mail? e-knowledge? My gawd, I'm clearly bored.

Oh,I had dis NOT very intelligent conversation with my papa the other day. We was laughing hysterically AFTER I point out to him about the dim-witted-ness of his questions.

Him: Va~(he calls me Va and I like it,sounds so loving and sweet), so are you going out today?
(I've been going out so plentifully that it's very uncommon that I dun go out)

Me: No. Not going anywhere. Y?

him: No,..nothing. juz asking.

After a momentary silence as I buried my head back once again into my PC screen.

Him: So you are staying home right?

Laugh hysterically n then had him review our conversation once again. haha...he's so cute! I mean, you have to be in the house if you are not going out to anywhere right? hmmm..we really should have more small talks like this-it's sort of a discovery for a good laugh. Great sense of dim-witted humor. He didn't do it on purpose, just the slip of the tongue but it's funny nevertheless.haha..he make my day!

2005-07-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

La Senza's lingerie makes me drool. The price makes me swallow it back.

n he makes me buy it. :>

The thing how wonder bra got its name is-

when you take it off, you 'wonder' where your boobs has gone?

2005-07-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

Talk to me. I only live this once and we are NOT talking enuff.

Juz Love her

2005-07-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

I have a friend who's soO beautiful-not from the physical sense but from the inside out, then as if adding sault to the wound*wrong metaphore but...*and then beautiful from the outside in...that I cannot believe she's human. When you meet her you'll go like, "hmm..this gal is nice n sweet,I wanna be friends with her." and when u finally get to know her much better, you'll go like "My gawd-why did I NOT know her earlier?"

She's NOT human. She's more like an angel-a statement soO devastatingly corny/banal/cliched that I cannot believe myself saying (or typing out LOUD) ,but I seriously cannot think of another persona that cud carry out the image she portray to the people she met.

Hot

Funny

Smart

Street-smart

Wise

Damn humble(part of her that I appreciate the most)

Damn Gud listener

So gullible

So sexy

n so horny

yet keep denying it by wearing clothes that covers her whole body;

but the purpose defeated once she opens her mouth 2 speak

n things happen when she's around...i mean, good things

My gawd,if she's a guy,I'm soO going 2 do stuff to her.

Juz Love her ALOT. haha,haf 2 control my passion. (inhale---exhale) Do this repeatedly for another 1000X times. N the most crucial part of ALL is, she makes me feel good. You know how some people-unfortunately u call them friends but all they EVER talk about is themselves. She's different-it's inexplicable, she juz makes me feel really chilled out even though she's like this vast bouquet of wisdom and knowledges.

2005-07-02T01:49:00.000+08:00

artist of the month:Tanya Chua

I've been repeatedly listening to her songs over and over again. Her voice sooo super soothing, like angels descending from the much sought-after heaven *dance a little under the sun rays*

but her songs kinda melancoly in some ways. *sigh*

but love her voice. sOo feminine. Not like mine, so girlish n too cute to sing depressing love songs.

*sighs more heavily*

new housey!

2005-07-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

^.^

ahaha,I took pictures of the indonesian construction workers taking a nap dgn curi-curi, they were so *abused* by me,if they were to know that their pictures are going to appear on my blog what will they think? They probably be too exhausted to care anyway...haha. Anyway,They should feel honoured if they were to feel anything else. *cheeky laugh*

I have my own slippers taken to show that it is really me doing ALL the shooting. I was like this professional photographer cum curious explorer of earth land on that faithful saturday. I remember I was hell untidy n unkempt n my hair was in this terrible mess n I failed to take my bath and was feeling soO horrible from heatiness. I think it's the durians I ate the day b4.

Aftereffects is mood swings. haha

And the undesirable feeling of limbs unattached and constant drowsiness from the sun and lame digestive system.

I love these pictures because I know many months from now when the house is ready to be live-in photographs like these prove memorable. And not everyday everyone gets to snap photos of their house under construction. *tee-hee* coolness. It's the feeling of growing each day with the bricks intact one-by-one. haha. sentimental:>

aiyah~loving all things exotic now,more precise is exotic n ethnic,I am soO going to decorate my room with indian furniturings...or anything bohemian or gypsy-like. I think I'm a witch in my past life, a bitch in this one.*ahahahha* nobody should agree with me in dis one.

Saya suka cakap yang bukan-bukan,tak tau sudah mana dalam body yang salah.

initial D-wuteva it means

2005-07-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

Initial D is damn patriachal. Man!

but it's purpose defeated(in saying that male is superior when it comes to and female is either a whore or unfaithful lover or shrieking fanatic car race fans) when the movie itself uses gorgeous guys,for those who question about their cuteness u r out of the question.

Jay Chow does have mata sepet but his talent makes him sexy.

Edison does irritate us with his lips in distorted angle. *but still looks kissable* muahaha

Jordan Chan is a kiasu inside the film and his punkish dressing sense and his too-gay-to-function headband is a turn off but he's hot because his songs rockz and he's cool, albeit being hot also. haha,multi-talented.

I say the movie defeat its purpose to instill the ideology of male superiority because in the end the usage of cute guys in to appeal to the wide female audiences *HAH*

I thought Jay Chow would disappoint me because of his notority with attitude problem-but,haha,his infatuation strike face earns him extra points because it almost can pass a REAL pervert. Not bad 4 first-time acting, though it feels abit strange in the beginning when he appears on the screen-instead of opening his mouth 2 charm us with his singing he's actually moving his limbs n doing facial expression...

the movie just makes me want 2 race...*high death drive* as if.

I have a question 4 andrew,if watching a horror movie is to challenge one's death drive in a safer settings compare to risking one's life in participation in extreme sport...what about those people who love extrme sports but despises or fear horror movies/thriller?

Something stupid

2005-07-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

Instead of pleasure,I think if given a choice I would choose pressure-that's how masochistic I am. I need to feel tension to feel like living...yea,I think i need work. Having too much leisure time pressurize me,(?!)so contradictory the things I say, feel like writing now not in my blog just for random ramblings n moanings...wutever u call bitching in a much polite way..but feel like writing to earn sum hard cash...but I hate competitive work environment,want the adrenaline rush but dun wan the compettiveness..gosh,I'm soO demanding,so complicated,full of crap.

Someone complained I write in an essay format...haha,put the blame on our secondary school teacher... i think it's quite a inconvenient habit because my eyes tired out at reading my own blog...

nothing is sadder than this. *stick tongue out*

Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to involve in creative work or not, I mean-I know self-doubt is like b-a-d for one's emotional/psychological well-being but let's be practical can we, creative-writing is s-t-u-p-e-n-d-o-u-s-l-y difficult and nothing beats having to take a grab at the dictionary when in the heat n midst of churning out a masterpiece...

Never become best friends with medical students because *tears flow into sum sort of stream/river* because they've become so stoned and emotionaless at ur ramblings... And if u want 2 go out with them, u've got to book like wut?? 6 weeks in advance...not exaggerating but dis is soO true. But it's a noble course, people thinking of studying medicine, think AGAIN. Not discouraging in any sort of manner, but really think twice because u REALLY have got to sacrifice ALOT of sacrifices(?) when it comes to medicine.

Like for example, youth. Medical students please proceed to the enxt blog=p. Tears sting my eyes when my friend studying in IMU told me she's loses another 5 pounds again in 2 weeks. SoO horrfying.She shouldn't be losing so much weight,I should be!I felt like transfering some of my arse FATS to her chest(that's what it is now) She's flat chest-ed,haha, shouldn't be making fun of her, but since she's laughing at herself what the heck!She doesn't even have to wear a bra now, I think,haha,save money!$$$

well, u know how expensive medical fees can be...

The problem about wanting to lose weight, and REALLY passionately putting effort in doing so NEEDS damn lots of willpower & determination..n the feeling of achievement when u stand on the weighing scale without adjusting to negative figures is somewhat irreplaceable when u discovered "hey,I'm 1 ibs lighter!woo hoo yippee!"

And then someone tell you if you loses fats it means u also loses it from your already-not-so-glamorous-size breast...and then you think,*oh shite,and I thought the washing machine stretches the material* and then you r on this dilemma whether u should just sign a liposuction program-that way u r less worried where u loses ur fats from...

and some very imperative part of ur anatomy still remains the same. Size does matters.

but u heard that liposuction has its own risks..u hear people dying from it. Liposuction melts the fats n dispose them outside of the body n u will think *yoohoo, so easy arr..wut is there 2 be afraid of?* The thing is,the fats will melt n ran into blood veins n then ta-da,ur blood fails to flow, and then ta-da,u die.

Fats are like clingy boyfriends. You need them to be living but if u have too much of them u feel heavy lah...and then if u break them up(through lipsuction) there'll be scars left behind. Stupid theory.I just like to make them up...

Yesterday once more

2005-07-01T09:16:00.000+08:00

The week before I was dateless...and was turning restless because I need people!!! And I know they need me too!=P,ahaha,talk about self-confidence,I'm boasting with it!It's a gud sign,at least for me.And I was turning into the extreme of my personality-a melancholy if I were to buried myself deeper into books,which talk about how life's soO great and that we should go out more..
And so there I was,calling up people to make arrangements in the meanwhile whining into their ears how pathetic my life is because my highschool friends wif most of them leaving me here for vin-diesel look-alike aussie hunks. And my monashian friends*sigh*lives anywhere but in Peejay and the ones living here are "undateable" materials.=P.haha,joking,they are busy(excuse,hummp)

I know whining is unsexy,so I did it in my lingerie(while talking wif them on the phone).haha.wrong. Please,read on and stop imagining stuff. The thing is,I don't like to complain so there I was,scanning for potential dateable "victims" through my phonebook and turning my sien-ness into some form of aggression. And then suddenly everyone is free and everyone wants a date on the same day!!!*grabs head in pain*hellllppppp*.* But undeniably for people with a BIG FAT ego like myself the high demand feels good!=D

Yesterday met up with Shi Ying the squid-ish...never mind,ahaha..cos she figure out I'm quite a dateable material myself...and ya~we chatted and we had green coffee in starbucks at uptown. And a volcanic delicacy(the malay waiter was amused when I asked is something going to explode when u pour the expresso onto the rich-black cake),which refuse to be digested until 3 hours later!I had green tea frappucino minus the whipped cream*understandably y* and it's gud actually!I've been exploring varieties of milkshakes and ice blended in different coffee outlets. Green tea and oreo in Dome's cafe, tiramisu in SEED cafe...and they are very uhm,seductive. Indulgent is a better word.*grins*

And then we talked. n talked. My gawd,can we talked. And then it's time for her movie. And then there's her darling's friends,which leave a darn bad first impression because they refused to get into the car because a girl was sitting in it!!!Halo-so childish!!How old are you people?Stop behaving so kiddishly,I'm biologically constructed in a way different from you but that doesn't mean I'll bite you or grab u in the arse just because I am the opposite sex. Malaysian guys...*sigh*I think our education system should so consider introducing Etiquette to impress or Mr.Manners for the turn-of-the millenium or to avoid turning-off us girls when it comes to making a first good impression. The inability to carry a conversation and to show an interest when meeting a stranger for the first time is such a prominent problem in our young people that sometimes I wonder how are we suppose to compete globally with the Westerners which is reputable for their good manners and charisma.tsk. So lacking,yet still so unconscious about it.

toastmaster's champion speaker!

2005-06-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

As everyone can see,a particular someone keep appearing on all four of the pictures!!! And *drum rolls* n *more drum rolls* is tadada--our champion speaker!As again,for those who really do read my post with BIG attentive eyes, the previous post is her speech-it's purpose to inspire audience!And damn,I was so impressed when those really experienced speakers of the club has this glint in their eyes when she finishes her speech -boy,they were really inspired! watery eyes,n they were coming up 2 shake hands with her and I was there by her side, standing in her limelight,*evil laugh* and feeling immensely proud of this petite woman. I feel like a BIG FAT giant beside her because she's sooo small, yet her heart is sOoo BIG-can encompass the whole universe...

Her speech was about *inspiring* people to make a world of difference-for herself, she has her own adopted child n is also an organ donor, and a devouted Promoter of organ donation. I think after the speech more than 5 people immediately signed the form for organ donation, that's what I call *Direct Marketing*.^_^ I think the primary reason that she's able to persuade successfully listeners is because she spoke right from her heart(she's downright sincere), she's practice what she preaches, and of course "practice, practice, n practice" I truly believe in that and she must have been very proud of her achievements because her evaluater was pretty impressed as well. She spoke very smoothly and there's no awkward pause, I think she remembers her lines well because the speech is derived from her life-story. If it's full of explanation then she runs a risk of forgetting her lines but she did nothing of that sort.

This is probably her last speech and she can advance to another level if she wants to-and I want her to. And also the first time she's ever granted the best speaker position. The reason she's not pursuing a higher level in toastmaster is because her health is deteriorating. Life's never fair. Bad things always happens to good people-who contributes and care to make a difference yet somehow fate decided that it's jealous and decided to grant her obstacles. I believe that faith in healing and being happy is the healthiest ingredient in recovering-I wish for the best for this inspiring persona and hope that she gets better with each day. That one day she can breath gracefully without choking on her weak lungs and thundering heartbeats. That one day she's able to gain much more weight and regain the glow in her red cheek. That one day she doesn't worries about whether it's time 4 her to take her medicine and pills. That one day she could fall asleep soundly. That one day she's as healthy as can be- and able 2 continue with her innumerable deeds of loving kindness and compassion.

I'm not very good when it comes to expressing my concern for people I care dearly... but, siew kheng,we need more people like you 2 answer questions like "Why are we here?" and so you must stay strong.

May the force be with you^_^, and may it be strong.

The Champion speech-congrats,siew kheng

2005-06-30T11:15:00.000+08:00

When the heart is touched…
Good evening, madam president, fellow toastmaster and honored guests.
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched... but are felt in the heart." This is said by Helen Keller.
L&G, life is beautiful, especially when the heart is touched. Let me share with you two experience which have changed my life.

If you here during my second speech, you may recall that I talked about organ donation. But if you were not here, let me share with you my experience 5 years ago. The incident was taken after the last examination of my final year study in the university. I went for a trip at Kuantan and on the last day of the trip I found that there was something wrong with my left eye when I woke up in the morning. I tried to look around but everything looked blur and small. I was very frightened; I thought I would become blind. I looked at a mirror and found that there was a hole on my left eye ball and the eye ball bulged out like a fish eye. It was horrible. Later I was admitted to hospital and the doctor did a thorough check-up on my eye. I was totally shocked when the doctor told me that my cornear was melted and I need to do a cornear transplant as soon as possible. Or else, my eye would become blind. L&G, it is not easy to get a cornear at this critical moment because not many people wish to donate their organs even after we die. It was really a great blessing when the doctor told me that they found a donated cornear for me. The transplant operation was very successful and soon my eye sight was recovered. L&G, because of this stranger who had donated his cornear, today I am able to stand here and see every one of you. I was very grateful. This was a gift of life to me. Being inspired by his kindness, I became an organ donor and always encourage others to do organ donation.

L&G,
Now, let me share with you another story. I came from a medium class family of a village. Those days, not many children from the village got the opportunity to enter into university. I was very lucky to be able to further my study in University of Malaya. The cost of living in KL was quite high and I was very fortunate to get a scholarship from Kuok Foundation. This scholarship had released the burden of my parents. I felt very grateful of the founder, Kuok Brothers. Because of them, I was able to complete my study in university. They have set a good example by channeling their money for good purposes. Because of their kindness, many poor students have the chance to further their study and to change the fortune of their family. At that time, I wish that if one day I get rich, I will set up a foundation just like Kuok Foundation to support the poor student to continue their study. After I got the job in Ernst & Young, I started to sponsor a three year old girl in Mongolia through the World Vision organization. I sponsor for her education and the cost of living of her family until she has finished her education and able to earn a living. Every month, I remit RM50 to the family through World Vision centre in Malaysia. This RM50 may be little for us, but it’s enough to support their living for one month. This is her photo. She is now 7 years old and study in primary school. Although we don’t see each other, it seemed that we have same kind of bonding between each other. Every year, she will draw me some drawings and the organization will send me the photo and report of her to me. I am very happy to be able to sponsor this little girl. The joy of giving has filled up my heart.

L&G. we will never know how to give if we never receive, we will never know how to appreciate if we never lose something and we will never learn to love if u never feel the love. Try to think of those occasions which your heart is touched by the kindness of someone. Let’s build up a chain of loving kindness and offer our help to the needy. We can offer money and daily needs to the poor, we can offer our time and effort for community service, we can sponsor a child to give them hope, we can donate blood and organ as a gift of life and we may even give a smile to others to brighten their hearts.

L&G, I have the contact of the National Transplant Resource Centre for organ donation and the guide book of child sponsorship for sponsoring a child. If you wish to do organ donation or sponsor a child, please don’t hesitate to get this from me. I am very happy to assist you to join this chain of loving kindness. There is a saying by Johannes A. Gaertner "To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." I believe we will have the heaven on earth if every one of us offers our sincere and thoughtful heart to others.

Before I end, let me read to you an extract of poem written by Bahai:-

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity.
Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed,
Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering,
Be eyes to the blind and a breath of life to the body of mankind.

Let us be a source of inspiration to others.

Back to you, toastmaster for the evening

2005-06-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

sien-ness. I miss the litle kids from CBL.

Say Hi to FreUd Again

2005-06-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

Trust me~Public speaking is a form of extreme sport-yes,yes, I'm talking public speaking as equivalent to bungy-jumping, whitewater kayaks, mountain biking, surfing, rock climbing, sailing, snowboarding, and surfing,base jumping, skydiving, paragliding, rafting ...because y? because if u r speaking in the public, I figure out, you are testing your death drive. You ask, what is this death drive thingy-Freud says that all of us fear death but the braver ones were fascinated by it and constantly challenge themselves through a series of "unfortunate"events, not truly unfortunate but might largely be deemed as risky, dangerous, jeopardizing acts that can get you killed or at least take u on encounters of highs and lows close to death. And yes, do you know that public speaking is the greatest fear only followed by death itself? Now u do, u'll haf 2 agree with me that public speaking is indeed like a round of roller coaster or horror film, you DO it because you want to experience the thrill and the devastating shocking near-death sensation, only in a safer setting. Like in front of a mass crowd of faces where u have not much of an idea where they come from, what are they thinking and how they are judging you.

No paradise.

2005-06-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

In every other assignments handed in for international relations subjects,I've never failed(at least more than once)to 'abuse' the overused phrase- 'with modernization in the city hubs, the income gap widens as the rich gets richer while the poor gets poorer'.

Growing up in middle-upper class family,I'm honest in admitting there's no BIG deal when it comes to money. I m not incredibly rich, neither am I hole-in-the-pocket poor. Like many of u here, reading dis post,I assume we are on the same ship because u can afford to come online-that u dun have to beg for money,all u haf to do is ask nicely if u need allowances,...I know sum of u work 2 pay up 4 things u buy,n yeah~it's a gud thing because it feels lousy so attached to our parents at dis age la-can't deny that!

Dis week,finally I've come close enough 2 realize what is it like to be stuck in poverty-and unable to get out of the situation-helpless n needy!The interview with this lonely old lady-who is 81 and only came to know her age because she handed me her photostated IC and asked me to figure out her age-so I was on the chair,working out simple mathematics and being a bit deaf-she was stunned "Wow-wo gam lou zho ga?"(Wow-I so old dy?) when she thought I said 87.

Consciously knowing that she is not of much help for the survey because she could not answer simple questions like even 'how old is your son, and where is he working' due to weak memory but still deciding to stay a little longer because I sensed that she's desperately in need of company. And so I sat there, listening to her churning out her daily experiences-from how her feet hurts everytime it comes into contact with water when she does her washing, and showing me an ugly old scar on her right thigh which since begins a series of nightmar-ish painfulness since eight years ago,how her daughter-in-law would not talked to her when she visits but just proceed to dump some lunch box-and on one occasion it's 'nasi melayu'-full of sambal belacan n curry shrimps that make-no-sense if you would consider feeding it to a 80+ year-old person..What is she trying to do? Kill her!!???So it was the birds who turn out to be the lucky one with the full stomach that day.

And then she said people 2day r f*cking(obviously she doesn't say dis) realistic that they'll smile and wag their doggy tail if u haf tonnes of money.If u don't,get lost. Her eyes were moist and I thought it's just old-age symptoms because her voice wasn't trembling...but after 10 minutes,she was sobbing and I had to pass her my tissue. Usually at this point of time when the interviewee broke down to tears it's time to send them to a therapist/ counselor-according to the code of ethics in social research.but *sigh* in her case she just need a listener-so I was the therapist for the day*drum rolls* I figured out when it comes to consoling traumatised person I'm just not that gifted-perhaps I was not feeling too strong myself to say anything. Perhaps there's no point in saying much. Perhaps a part of me-the practical part,was saying'I dun think she can hear u'...but ya~I guess my short presence would still do her some good.

It was especially emotional when she keeps on pressing that "It's useless to live to such an old age..what for?what for? I have 8 children do you know that? But so what,they don't come to see me? When they do, they never talk to me. Sometimes when I heard to noise of a funeral ceremony nearby I just question God-why is it not me?Let me die...." All these sounds freaking familiar because they r ALL dialogues in cantonese drama series but dis IS real life.

I was actually quite surprise I didn't broke down n shed tears with her because knowing myself
---I'm always the 1st to cry when it comes to sappy love/relationship/death-themes movies.. And then I felt like giving her a hug but figured out that dis culture belongs to the western n she might faint in fright, and knowing very well that her primary problem is money for her medication n healthier,more nutritious food, I stuffed firmly 3 10 ringgit notes in her palm-telling her that she MUST not simply use it on items she doesn't need, or gave it to people poorer than herself...she resisted but she's so sick she couldn't do anything except take it..I know it's a small amount compare to what she really needs n say a goodbye, making a promise that I'll come back 2 visit her...=(.knowing very well that there r bigger chance of not returning but... i'll nvr know. Maybe I WILL come back.

A blog is hard slog

2005-06-21T10:26:00.000+08:00

Look what a malayisan say about blogging-in Star Two yesterday on 20th June 2003

"Blogging is like mental masturbation!I get an orgasmic high just doing it!"

haha...hmm,another woman who could relate all things pleasurable with sex...haha,so my cup of tea!her blog, btw is www.minishorts.net. Whoever interested could dropped by there n get a peep-you voyeur. *sigh* I think within this one-year I've been highly educated about sex-and connotations that carries sexual meanings-or even very plain phrase that could also(somehow..I dunno how) carries sexual connotation... like fetish,voyeur, sado-masochist...which creepily I could associate with plenty of things on a day-to-day basis!!!Gone were the days when I'm a sweet young thing, very innocent, holy n pious..haha!*wait, haf i ever?*

My dad has this tendency 2 intrude my space of privacy...because my back face the dining hall when I'm blogging and my dad has master the kung-fu of walking without any noise-but his shadow betray him though..cause he's quite tall.6 foot 3?and then I'll quickly click on my yahoo!mail window when he's standing behind my back-trying 2 figure out wut I'm doing!I really can't say I've any privacy though in the house because my laptop is not in my room-argh,I'm moving...for now I would juz have to tolerate his voyeuristic behaviour!Since he's not vry computer literate i dun think i'll haf 2 worried that much abt him seeing my blog in his office though..i'll be dead by then!

It's crazy how people read her blog where she left a post saying she's going out for supper at one time-and people deliberately dropped by just to check out what she looks at-it's like she has this celebrity status or wut!Okay---wut else can happen?People are funny.So am I,so are u.so is everyone.*sigh*

A little card! A BIG surprise!

2005-06-20T22:38:00.000+08:00

What a wonderful card!

I got a sms from my sister on Saturday-saying "ah nee nee send you a card from australia..it must be her,so nice of her lah..u faster come home and read it!" I was in KLCC lepaking and wanted damn desperately 2 look at the card... knowing that my sister would join me in KL later, I begged her 2 bring along the card when she comes...

And so I was in this boutique "savouring" in dis cute card while my mom was trying on clothes-I was laughing sillily while reading, and no doubt such a small surprise had make my day!

It starts with dis

eLoOo...Vava..^.^

Surprise? i reallie luv this card, it's sooO my style,hehe... And of coz, i know ypu'll like it too,YA? especially the little book...hehe...

hopefully it'll gif you some nice+interesting inspiration 2 post your blog----which i luv to spend time exploring ^.^

Well...well...apart from tat, juz wanna tell you that----

i MisS You, VAVA....!!~~

hehe...u shld be glad that i've alwaz remember 2 send you stuff once in awhile, 2 surprise you!!hehe...

Neway,
juz WANNA SAY---
友谊万岁, ^^
我们又为我们的友情增长多一岁了…
最后,
No matter wut's your mission now...
Your ambitious thingy,
Your Dream Lands,
Your future Career...
OR even your MR Rite...=p

Share Wif Me Kay!!

Nee

Thank you girl,I love surprises,doesn't anyone actually-it makes me feel warm all over, and special!It makes me miss you all the more...Dear,if you've time post in my comment box abt ur latest happening!*Dun only talk abt food though*

Actually,right behind the card was a small sticker with the notice "Not to be given to a child under 36 months" and i thought "but this is such a HUGE card, I don't think a baby(unless they acquire superpower like in the incredibles) to swallow the entire card,as you can see from the picture it's a rectangular-shaped card...pretty loooonnnng too.

Then I figured out it's attached to a little book...haha, a surprise in a surprise-first time I come across such a card!it says sthg very kiddish la*haha,sorry dearie* but very touching all the same..

a little book to my great friend

to my great friend
eVa San with love *awwwwww***
love is only chatter.....Friends are all that matter
Happy is the house that shelters a friend!
what's the fun of an adventure if you can't share it with a friend!
Love is blind.Friendship closes its eyes
wherever you are it is your own friends who make your world!
Joy is not in things,it is in us
Friendship is like Rome it's not built in a day
a friend is a bridge into a wider world
your friendship has been sunlight that has transformed my days
stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary
of all Possessions a friend is the most precious!
thank you for being a great friend!

the above fonts and colour is exactly the same from the little book-
wow!it took me quite a while just to edit it!NOw gal,u happy now-I'm truly inspired by ur card n decided to filled up my blog with your love towards me..=D,I did get worry for a split second that u might feel shy that everything u said in the card is *exposed* here but I decided that there's nothing 2 be embarrased abt-haha,u can't do anything because I have the authoritative power over here=P,u can try hacking my computer though haha!!

With friends like this,who needs lovers?

Daddy's Day

2005-06-20T22:15:00.000+08:00

Daddy's Day!

On father's day 4 of us went for dinner in a Korean restaurant in Sri Hartamas-knowing that most of the Chinese restaurants would be pack with good sons and daughters reunion with their family members for this celebration.

Nak Won,the name of the restaurant, serve bbq and authentic Korean cuisine...This is actually the second time we went there. The funny thing is, 4 of us fell in love with Korean food in the country itself-Seoul,capital of South Korea. Not joining any tour package but instead exploring the city ourselves, not surprisingly we stumble into the very local food stores which is famous who their ginseng chicken soup(which is a little like opening a present because they stuff rice inside the chicken)and you could imagine us with open-mouths when the "secret" ie revealed, and of course-who could have miss the Bi Bi Pan,which is rice served on hot plate with assorted vegetables on top-not to be missed!The funny thing is-though Korean is "notorious" for turning pets we love so much-puppies and dogs into edible dishes-we failed to find any restaurants serving them-I'm not suggesting that I will eat them if I come across one*haha,u'll nvr know*-it's juz my curiousity.

It's not a very healthy meal I dare say-if Korean bbq is eaten in Malaysia because of our hot weather..in Korea it is understandable because meat keeps them warm(winter mah) wherelse in here,if not taken moderately we could fall sick easily-too much heat inside,same theory applies to durian. Yesterday I was sneezing non-stop because I think I didn't drink enough water to "cool off" the durians I took.And laici too...which though taste refreshing n juicy but my mom says it's very heaty too...*sigh*and then I had to take a cool capsule n fell into dizziness before I could finish blogging!

So in Nak-Won there were more customers than usual and the air wasn't good because the exhaust wasn't doing it's work at its best-I was suffocating and have to hold my breath while my family members was commenting non-stop it. It got better after the food arrived-I guess the saying 'a hungry man is an angry man' is too true at that time.hehe...so we start with lots of appetizers-countless of them which the best thing is, can be 'refill' after we are done-but if u had too much then there's hardly going to be space left for the main course-which is the marinated meat-which is heavenly. And then we had seafood soup which is too large-I hate wasting food but I'm putting the blame on the boss because he told us it's "sufficient" for the entire family. I know we look FAT but that doesn't mean our appetite is insatiable ok!!! How could anyone not try the Bi Bi Pan if we are talking about Korean food here-I highly recommend it!I also ordered water-melon juice which come in this really adorable looking glass...

The day before father's day, me,my sis n my mom was having dinner in KLCC-nippon tei(japanese restaurant) n in Nak-Won my mum was jokingly suggesting maybe on Monday we could go for french food or Indian food-my sister's feedback was "NoO~we are going on a diet!"She was right~too much good things is not a good thing after all-at least not in a short time.

So yeah~Diet!!!

A father story

2005-06-20T01:05:00.000+08:00

Few years back,he would come back from meetings in the late night. A frown firmly locked between his brows and his lips tauted into an expression of anxiety. His eyes were bloodshot from having lack of sleep and pressure. Business partners were making a fool out of him-just because they know he is not those man that fight back when taken advantage of. Friends, they would call themselves-that he helped so often and even bother to introduce to his top associates in the end commit in backstabbing him. With friends like this, who needs enemy? He was disappointed and angry. He resort to alcohol and silence. However, luckily, his love for books was a cure-he took Confucious teachings to a great length and believe that perseverance is a key to general well-being.

However, perseverance was not in favour of him. Bullheaded and stubborn, he carries the whole world on his shoulder, not allowing anyone to share his burden. He chose to lock all his worries and emotions into a safe inside his heart-but it was slowly eating him away. Perhaps he has cried many times when no one is around. Perhaps his feelings were numb after all that has happened. He wasn't weak, but there was just too much to bear and he refuses to let go.

My heart ache everytime he took a seat in the kitchen's table. It has become a ritual thing for him to do after dinner. You see- we have two dining tables at home. One is the official one-in the dining hall where we 'officially' gather for meals. The table, much smaller than the 'official' dining table has become an ornament to fill up the kitchen space. The ritual thing begins-it is time for him to take those pills with sickening colours subscribed by doctors to stabilize his condition. At times these silinder medicine look more of poison than it is of cure. All the battle in the work field had resulted in a rapid erosion in his health. In the morning he would measure his blood pressure before going out to work. His day and his mood would dominantly be determined by the scale on the machine.

There were pieces missing-between him and me. I struggle to strike up a conversation with him. Inside,I whined and complained that he would asked about my school, my friends, little little things that bothers me and drove me crazy. We wasn't really expressive-at that time. So I learned to hide away darker thought in my chamber of secrets. The passageway was dark there and it was filled with cobwebs and eerie shadows casting menacingly over my shoulders. I shudder at such a place I've created-but I make no effort to take it down. I never thought sadness was as essential as happiness but perceive it as something equivalent to a sin-ans has since lose track of my emotions. Tears beautifies life but it was only a lesson I grasped later. I don't think it's alright to cry so I remained tense. I was immensely proud that I could put out a tough front but inside it was swelling-and unhappiness spread like cancer, sucking life bit by bit away.

I felt disgusted at how weak I could be and unable to share partial of his problems, I felt like a lousy child. After all he had done for us, the family, I contributed no joy. Father's day was a shell celebration-dinner would be expensive and the service superb. But all of us was falling apart-the bond lasted while the food is there. Such celebration carries no depth in meanings.

As maturity grows with time and experiences, and solutions were offered to problems at work. Tension decreases and doubts cleared, he learned with great pain to take less faulty results to his responsibility. I've also learned to share-whether it was something funny people have said, a lame joke or embarrasing moments I encountered day-to-day basis, not surprising because I'm naturally clumsy and awkward...everything to make him smile. Even if it creeps into his lips only for a split second but it was well worth it. He learned to open up and is a pro teaser by now. There were no more silent moments where I struggled to filled up with futile conversation.

I was most relieved when he stopped smoking. His doctor had warned that his health is deteriorating fast and he had better start taking measures-diabetic and high blood pressure-his condition is at stake. My mother would picked up fights with him and I could hardly sleep when bedtime comes-she was worried for him I know. He is sick physically, and also at heart. He knew all his effort for his partner at work isn't worth all that-for they badmouthed him and wasn't the bit appreciative at his input. I knew who they are and at annual business meetings where family members are allowed to attend-I longed to kick them in the face and inflict pain to them on my father's part. That's why I hated dinners like this-I would avoid it as best as I can. For me, it was a masquerade of insincere foes.

I was astonished yet jealous for his passion for golf-half of his day will be taken away and I would complained to him that in the past, I compete with his career for his time. But today, I compete with several white metal balls and a driver for his time. People say the later you fell in love, the harder it is for you to pull yourself out. His love for golf has reflected well the connotation the phrase carries. It's obsession by the way and time he has contributed to the game but it was better than any of his previous addiction-primarily nicotine and alcohol. This is one addiction-probably the only I would raise both my hands in gesturing approval.

My father is irreplaceable-an exception!To anyone who has yet and who has already recognize the good a father can does-Happy father's day!

Unkiss my frog prince

2005-06-16T18:53:00.000+08:00

Princess Aurora remembered how she felt that day when she kissed the frog.

It was still vivid.

And she could not deny-it wasn't particularly tasty.

She sometimes wonder-what if she had not kiss the amphibious creature, and fell in love straight away when he turned out to be an amazing gorgeous prince.

Would she not have to deal with him now?

They say you have to kiss ALOT of frogs to find your prince.

And she consider herself to be very lucky-for her first kiss she gave it to the right frog.

And she thought-well,it's fair enough.

He is a guy every girl can dream of-sentimental and romantic,physically alluring(ohh~she could never resist when he smiled that smile of his). It was sexy yet secretive-like when they say a picture say a thousand words-His smile spoke them and you literally melt in it.

She loves him most when he's deeply engrossed in his work-he's fiercely competitive and his hunger for knowledge and intellectual pursuit was what drove her to better herself.

He is a masterful musician;devoted and god-gifted-if he's angry he writes melody that overrides you with emotions you felt you were swipe out by swilling waves. If he's in a light mood he will compose songs that beams into your soul like a thousand rays of sunshine, or rustling wind whispering into your ears. It was never music that you listen once,enjoy it while it is being played. It's never that simple-it was always somewhat unpredictable, extremely desirable, simply irresistable-every bit just like him,you get addicted once your senses were open to it.

This ex-frog was so irresistable and charming he could be the devil himself. Yes, perhaps one word sums him up-devious, that is.

Because somebody so perfect will have to be imperfect in some ways.

He is still amphibious after he lose his original identity.

No-he wasn't going in and out from water to land everytime, it's just he's so adamantly independent he had told her once-"I was born to defend that solitude is one of life's luxury."

She screams inside her,"NO-that's what you think, I could only live in a climate where two persons exist for the other. I could only exist when you are here with me."

Her frog prince thinks the idea of co-habitation is too suffocating.

He wants to move out.

"I'm just saying that we need more space, I'm not leaving you."

Princess Aurora,of course-like many other women,would interpret that he doesn't love her anymore...Is she getting fat? Was he disgusted by her wobbling tummy? But she had been working out regularly and had do everything she could to stay sexy and sassy for him-the man of her life. She had been through all kinds of diet ever introduced by women's magazines-atkins diet. You named it.Was it her hairstyle?Did he not like what she had done to her hair-it was blonde,it's not even going to stay there for long,it's going to come off after 3 months? Wait...3 months,I'm doomed.

Princess Aurora was falling into a pit of misery and despair.

So this is how it feels to be part of a "thing", they were an item-and now he's using his bare hands to tear them apart.

Once a frog, always a frog. He could not change his amphibious way.

She thought with time she could change and mend some of his ways-just need extra effort. Now she knows she need to believe what she read from books. TV programs makes you an idiot because it feeds you endless images, but books tell more truths,less propaganda and makes you think.

If I could un-kiss him, but it was as hard as un-loving him.

Princess Aurora was not much of a couch potato but last night she was so wretched she stayed up all night watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind' starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

It was about a love becoming so disastrous Kate needs to erase all traces of Jim from her memory to move on with life.

Tonight,in her blog, Princess Aurora type

'I am erasing you off from my contemplating system because only by that I will be able to function properly and carry on with my life. So long, my frog-prince, tonight I burnt away all your melody notes, tonight I will delete away all of your messages from my handphone, tonight I am going to shut down my blog. I am erasing all evidences that say you have ever exist in my life.'

Tonight is the night where I would love to forget-just like how I want to not remember anything about you-anymore.

Sanity23%,Crappiness77%

2005-06-16T00:03:00.000+08:00

Haha,was checking the Malay dictionary when I came across this word "Rong".

I once haf a fren also by the name "Rong"...

Rong has 2 meanings.

1. lubang dalam tanah

2. dua

i know 2 is dua in Malay but rong really is also dua in Malay.

So,my point is(which is actually quite pointless at this time of the night)- that if you are considering havin a kid, or a whole dozen of them, depends on ur productivity n *** drive n financial stability n ur tolerance for kids...

that if u r goin 2 be sure u r havin a baby gal- and decided that rong is a cute name.

Tan rong rong/Wong rong rong/Chan rong rong...etc etc etc

so it's really rong(dua) rong(lubang dalam tanah)

dua lubang dalam tanah.

funny, in cantonese long(very similar to rong) is also lubang.

but this lubang doesn't necessary has to be in the tanah-it could be anywhere else.

my post is getting wronger n wronger.

I feel very shallow n bimbotic---i think i've been hanging around too much with____ (come on,be honest-insert ur name)

To be a bimbo u need 2 have certain pre-requisites in you. Bimbo is a condemnatory remark-yet,it also is a compliment in some ways. To be a bimbo you need to have a pretty face, glory hair,shiny nail polish n a great bod-but you should never have a brain.

I trust most people haf no prob fulfilling the latter part. ahaha

If u haf large ears n u haf a BIG heart n u happened 2 look like a baby elephant I'll noy hesitate callin u "Jumbo" though...

My surname is San. In Mandarin it's pronounce as Xin though.My sister was whining to my mother over dinner just now in the restaurant why she never thought of just naming her with 2 words...Like Shu Qi(the very famous n sexy ex-porn star) which I dun think i'd look up 2 her too much and Tian Xin(another Taiwan actress but a very gud one).

So I suggest San San. In Mandarin she will be call Xin Xin-which really means the star or hairy gorillas-which I gladly tell her that the latter one is only too right 4 her. She gave me dis poisonous stare but proceed 2 do nothing else-which is why I'm still able 2 blog here.

Still in one piece. Still shallow. Still bimbo-ish.

Still struggling 2 study cultural n communication policies.

A very meaningful post.5 things about me n 1 about u.

2005-06-15T14:19:00.000+08:00

1.I like 2 repeat myself.

2.I like 2 repeat myself.

3.I love annoying people,so here I am,doing it again.

4.I like 2 repeat myself.

5.If u r still reading at no 5, I suggest u sign up for a counseling session.

My bitchiness is inspired by TMY.

By the way,MY's BM sux,bitchiness is not anjing perempuan, it's anjing betina...

and he's a confused breed of a chinese who can speak mandarin but cannot write it, so ya, I termed him a half-ripe banana...or a half-green one, depends on your optimism.

But optimism is really an eye-disease.

No woman is an island.Below are dead sexy quotes only 4 female viewing.

2005-06-15T13:39:00.000+08:00

#1.Many couples divorce 4 religious reasons. He thinks he's God, and she doesn't.

#2.Why do men like smart women?

Because opposite attracts.

#3.Women want love and marriage and happily-ever-after...

Men,on the other hand,fancy a "meaningful one night stand,preferably with 7 bisexual hookers.

#4.Man:"Darling,am I the first man to make love to you?"

Woman:"Of course,I dun understand why u men always ask the same old silly question."

#5.Women:Unless crossed,the female species tends towards fidelity and constancy.

Men:There are a few species where the male stays faithful until he dies,mostly as a result of being eaten by his partner after mating.

#6.A woman thinks,okay,her man has a few flaws but with time she can change him.

Men know that the only time they've ever been changed by a woman was out of their nappies.

#7.Men think 'sex drive' means doing it in the car-probably because of that little sign on the rear-view mirror which reads,'Objects in dis mirror may appear larger than they r.'

#8.Love may be blind,but marriage is a real eye opener.

#9.When the right man comes along but at the worng time, women has the strenght of character to say,"No-sorry,but I'm already married."

#10.Men say that women are like cyclones:they r wet when they come but take the whole house away when they r gone.

Women know better:it's MEN who are like cyclones,you'll never know when they r coming, how long they'll stay..and most of all,how many inches u r goin 2 get.

But men,on the other hand,go straight from puberty to adultery.

Sze Mun once says(probably a world-wide famous quote by now,ha),"Guys are jerks but in the end we still love 'em"...

y? y? y?

because opposite attracts.

Faith in love

2005-06-14T10:51:00.000+08:00

Love cannot be written about or be painted on to a canvas-because of its ambivalence it is indescribable.

But it could be felt.

But the lifespan for a relationship is getting shorter and shorter. Which I think can be both a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. The good thing is-that means people today can let go more easily and move on.

On the other hand, it could just mean that we dun give too much a damn in pouring out our heart and soul when it comes to loving the only one person, because our eyes keep checking out for better quarry in our surrounding-prettier people,more attractive and extravagant significant other that we thought is better than the one we are having.

While we are having sumbody in our arms, our eyes survey the environment-preying...

"as we grow older and wiser we observe an erosion in one principal area of human values-sincerity,each time we heal our own wound after someone else deliberately or semi-unintentionally scarred us our eyes grew brighter but at the same time our heart grew a little dimmer."

And then we lose faith in giving a little some more.

I hope I will never lose faith, but I'm not sure.

yada-yada

2005-05-31T10:22:00.000+08:00

I was holding a book titled "Psychology of the women" n once inside the class, Fren A said

"Hah-This is the only book that I'll never be able 2 understand!"

Fren A of course is a guy. A very clever one too.

Communication is a course where you cannot afford to be a scatterbrain.

You gotta be quick, and debatable.

But perhaps it is one course where you can be quirky, queer n eccentric and nobody minds because everyone else is like that.

Yesterday, I was on a page reading on what I would look for in my prince charming-according to my birthday, and it is not only based on the day and month but also the year...and it was this horrifying thick book with this equally horrifying price that comes with it!$107!!!

It says, "you look for a person who is cool in the outside but with a fiery temperant. One who is eccentric who but also have a tender heart!"

Hmmm...strange combination.

Thank Q

2005-05-31T05:04:00.000+08:00

Following my post of traumatic experiences with taxi drivers that are pro when it comes to inflicting-trauma in their passengers, I am feeling warm because of yesterday's experience with a friend that unexpectedly gave me a lift because he was passing by...and decided that it is only a nice thing to do if I dedicate my thanks 2 all those who have sent me home before...

You know how it feels when someone gave you a hand at your most vulnerable moment? That time when you thought every person you come to deal with would only want 2 take a piece from you, whatever it is-especially people who offer service who want more in return to what they could offer..yes,I am talking about taxi drivers here. Or people who give you a call to ask for favors only and you thought what are you to them? I have friends who have friends like this...That time when I really, really want 2 go home and feels irritated, sickeningly annoyed and wonder disturbingly why it is so difficult to accept an extra RM2 added to your meter when the distance to home took only a bloody 15 minutes!I am left at the roadside feeling very vulnerable after 7,8 taxis passed by just to stop 2 see whether they thought I was dropping at Sunway Pyramid which is the nearest point n get a fat 5 bucks from my purse-I am only a student!

And then without asking, somebody dropped by-a friend, all smiles n ask whether I would like a lift-you probably would never understand that feeling!It was really all very warming 2 the heart..you'll feel that afterall humanity still exist-despite all the money-conscious beings that is sucked to the idea that material gains make us happy, and we exist 2 evolve in this culture where we work, produce, derive pleasure from things we owned, get into conflict with people that we thought took our advantage, and die an unhappy fool.

I have many friends who before yesterday dropped me home because they felt sympathetic that I have to deal with all these taxi drivers...and I would LOVE to dedicate this GIGANTIC thanks to you people.. This sound all drama but it's very sincere. Really.The names are not arranged according to importance..

Thank you,

Matthew(no,you ARE not fat,you look great,those are not lumps of fats but muscles)

Jer Huan(who dropped me so often that I already know his mother quite well)

Charlotte(who have such adorable parents and possess such great sense of humor-their amazing ability to engage in meaningful coversation even if it's the 1st time I met them)

Benji(who live so near me it pressures me=P)

Fikri(who live all the way in ampang but still send me home)

Lindy(who live damn near my place too)

Jin(who live damn near my place three)

Linora(who live so far I felt sympathise and would feel it is better if she move to the hostel here even though it is unreasonably pricey,woman,I admire ur determination of coming to the uni and going back home just 4 the sake of handling up your assignments)

I hope I didn't missed out anybody!

Recovering from short-term insanity

2005-05-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

I have no social life! I demand one! Arghhh...somebody take me go shopping,go watch movie, go go-kart, play pool, redbox, greenbox, purplebox whateva, middle-eastern restaurant, skateboarding(kidding), pasar malam, learn salsa(I know i don't haf the body requested!!!)still...anything but make me stay home and this person doesn't have to be a species from the opposite sex!!!!And if you have to be one, please be gud-looking n have lots of cash in hand!

I am a sucker 4 books, I NEED TO BUY BOOKS!!!!But my rather anorexic purse say "feed me first!"Other girls would spend on clothes, high heels, bags, accessories, but me-I spend on clothes, high heels, bags, accessories, and booksssss.....I am so guilty!!I don't think I am very normal...But I wished to be abnormally rich that is if there had to be something in me that's abnormal----so I can afford the pricey books in Kinokuniya!

I hate it when I always say things that get people misunderstanding me!But I still do it!
People thought I am so materialistic...no, I am not, am not!

I may seemed like a nice person upfront, but inside I am much holier!:>

I am a sucker for not only books!
I am a sucker for peanut butter!
I am a sucker for milo ais!
I am a sucker for red bean pau!
I am a sucker for quotes!
I am a sucker for deep marine fishes!
I am a sucker for mummies!
I am a sucker for the dark n mysterious!
I am a sucker for pirated CDs!
I am a sucker for ice-cream!
I am a sucker for lame jokes!
I am a sucker for David Tao!
I am a sucker for romantic whateva as long as it is romantic!
I am a sucker for travel!
I am a sucker for movies!
I am a sucker for jazzy music...
I am a sucker for ice cubes-I chew them & I think it relieves my stress!=.=''(sad weiiii...)
I am a sucker for assignments...*choi, I never say that, I only type it out!*

The term "sucker" reminds me of the bandaraya fish very noticeable in any aquarium shop u fing yourself going into...I named it "sucker" because it sucks out all the sisa-sisa from side,bottom,east,west,south n north of the aquarium that's the source of its' food!

I've been spending too much time with my PC it feels like I'm going out with "him"! My soulmate, I think he's aroused with all the keyboard typing~~~Argh...sprinkle me wif holy water,I have to stop talking like this!

I want to go out! i WANT TO GO OUT!I want to go out!

I nEED to gO oUT!!

Assignment=bitches because they irritate the hell out of ya, you try to avoid bumping into them but they keep coming back!Feminist would be angered and they might think it's fairer to termed it 'dog'...no more degrading women,they say!

This post is quite pointless...don't read it!It's not me writing, it's my evil twin!

Trauma

2005-05-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

Okay...2day I'm not feeling particularly mature so I decided to expose all the sexual connotations I've been "innocently" using in this one week only. Those under 18 might need parent's guidance to read this post. Or just proceed to reading other of my post-they are more holy than this one.

*Case Study 1*
Yesterday,it was raining n I needed 2 take a cab back. You know how it irritates you when rain is drizzling on you bits and you shudder with coldness so I decided 2 wait until...somebody would walked into M-lab n broadcast the latest update on the weather. And I trust the woman from Malacca,ok, even though she's from Malacca but she's now here so I trust her.

And so I told Kerry Ann that I do not wished 2 get 'wet'.

Kerry Ann said something about being very innocent, she doesn't get what I'm trying 2 say.

Right Right Right.

And so I asked again, which entrance should I used so I get less wet, Joanna said I should try the back, and Kerry Ann replied that is where Joanna always go.

And fikri suggested that maybe I could used the 'side'... I dunno how lar cos I think it's locked.

But that's not the point. Kerry Ann said something about getting less wet when you go by the back. There's a rooftop mah.

But thanks guys. I ended up using the front lar but it was frustrating cos I got really wet. =.=''

This is the wrongest post ever.

*Case Study 2*
One really gud fren*names should not be revealed cos she's reputated of being holy* was questioning about losing your virginity at a very young age. Say, when you were in Form 3 and your partner in bed was probably younger or same age as you.

What were you to discuss while you were engage in ummm...activities that required vigorous movements?

PMR probably... or what you are going to have for breakfast in school the next morning.

Nasi Lemak or curry mee.

*Case study 3*
Z-guy introduced me as studying sexology in MOnash when everyone else was doing communication.

Said I not only teaches theory but involve in practical as well...

I don't think I could teach larr..there are others much more knowledgeable in this field.

No, I M NOT A SEXPERT.

*Case study 4*
Yamateh means NO in Japanese.

But when utter in different pitch n volume of the voice it means very different thing.

If it's a fierce n firm YAMATEH when some balding working class middle age man is making advances on you what you are trying to say is "NO!Come one more step closer n I'll make you impotent 4 the rest of ur life!"

If it's a very seductive YAMATEH it means ..."Stop, but don't stop entirely..."

Sze Mun almost faint from shock when she heard my theory...

*Real experience-traumatic*

Today I think I was unlucky enough 2 get on to this Indian fella's taxi. He very naturally brought both of us into the "casual discussion" of sex.

He told me about how young people would start *smooching n grabbing each other when they got into his taxi, and guys n girls would start 2 talked about sex n their experiences n he would pretend not to hear.

And then he told me how this one Chinese girl was conversing to him in half broken English n abit of Malay, asking him whether he would pay her a visit in her apartment when he's free. And he said of course any man would not resist but he did not turned up for fear of being accused 'rape' once he start making advances. The girl was about 18.

And he told me when he was 18 he was going out with this Malay girl and they enjoyed each other's company and they "did" it quite a few times but they broke off because she wanted him 2 convert. He said the sex was great but what 2 do...he's not giving up his religion...

I was highly suspicious of every thing he said. All from his 'real encounter' of very open-minded International School students who talked about *screwing her 2nite* from Ampang and to this request from some 18 year-old girl 2 go 2 his apartment.

I mean, I think he's having illusions because his wife wasn't able 2 satisfied him, that's y he had 2 look for ways to filled that *emptiness* up, by rushing into sexual related topics with any, and every passenger who sit in his cab, by making stories up like this. I believe there would be couples kissing each other behind his car because it's not very uncommon...but he made him sound as if every passenger who got into his car is suddenly turned into this person with monstrous appetite for sex. An 18 year old girl begging you 2 give her a visit in her apartment... boy,I think he's really very sexually deprived.

Because he's NOT ONLY very ,very fat, but also very, very hairy... and he's very, very ham sup...

What is wrong with our taxi driver, man? I sometimes feel very harrased in a way larrr...
I mean, there must be something seriously wrong with you if sex is the only topic you engage in.
This people are so very...sad.

I wished I have a car.

*Another traumatic experience

This 40 year old Malay taxi driver keep prompting me 2 give him my handphone number so we could have fun some time with him picking me up...He said he had a few Chinese girlfriends before and he prefered them over Malays because they were less conservative.

This guy, another hairy fella. And obese 2. Keep insisting that going out with a fella his age would be damn pleasurable.

He said though he's a Muslim but he's very laid-back, indulging in alcohol once in a while, Life should be easy mah...he added, fun and pleasure comes first.

Damn, no wonder your whole life you are stucked with this taxi.
I wanted to say but I swallowed it down. My GOD-look into the mirror!!! When I say I don't mind interracial relationship I don't mean it with guys the age of my Dad wei!!!!!

What the #$&*???

I hate taking cabs larrr... Luckily I never needed to use my pepper spray.

And those horny cab drivers always ended the conversation saying things like "NIce talking to you..."

Get Off n drive away.

The bite of death(part 2)

2005-05-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

A thick fog formed out of nowhere. But it was not unexpected. Eve knew who would walk out from that heavy mist. She is the witch-her name is LeAnn. She’s neither good nor bad. They had become good friends because of both ability to engage in deep conversation about astrology, metaphysics and star signs. Both have hypnotic aura, a matching willpower but one decided to channel that intensity to a world of wizardry, and the other-to dominate a man for the purpose of possession and exploitation.

“Dear,” the witch spoke and everything suddenly become quiet, as if the whole universe stop its working to hear her speak. “You wear a one-way mirror allowing you to see others perfectly. But no one see you. You are fanatically self-protective to the extent that you no longer fascinate people, but a bitch who rides roughshod that is not likeable.”

“I hate you when you could look through me so…. effortlessly. But I have to admit, you have a point.” She smirks. “At times feelings were so overwhelming I just knew it is common if one day you would find me destroying myself.”

“Adam acknowledges your intensity, but he would be more comfortable with less.” Said LeAnn. The male sex is still unable to acknowledge this permission to high level of decision making and competence.

“I believe I intimidate him, I smelled skeletons in his closet. He has other woman. She’s extremely dumb but possess extreme beauty, and he like her-simple, unthreatening, a woman so agreeable and one who’s only interested in the appearance rather than the heart of the matter.”

Eve is fabricating her feelings so she would hang about looking indifferent on the outside. She cannot break down and cry. She will not let herself.

“Did you see it for yourself?” LeAnn asked and realizes it was a stupid question.

It was a stupid question not because Eve would certainly have seen it with her own eyes to say it but because she is psychic.

“We all know I don’t have to see it to believe it. I miss little of what goes on because I observe and sizes up quickly and accurately. It is a curse more than a gift. But I never was completely normal.”

“You choose Adam to be your mate because you are attracted by him being multitalented. His strong artistic and musical inclinations and his captivating storytelling abilities draw you towards him like bee to honey. But you cannot help but feel intimidated because he is extravagant and his ability to express, charm and amuse truly concerns you.”

She pointed her index finger-bony and long towards a direction where a lush green tree stood, fruits of scarlet red, plenty of them were attached to its branch.

“Eat one apple. But remember, each bite that you take-you has to detach yourself from any thoughts and feelings. Your jealousy is eating you away. The apples from the Garden of Eden purify these toxic feelings. But watch out for the cobra, if you are bitten, it’s poison would paralyze your entire life with insensitivity and arrogance that will destruct you in ways you could never imagine. You would seek for revenge and the detachment of all pleasant feelings. You would live-like the living dead.”

“I’ve revealed too much the secrets of the universe. It’s best for me to say no more.” With that she’s gone, leaving no trace to follow.

* * *

It was daylight. The sun still shines like every other day. The sky a dashing blue and birds were chirping. But Adam was shivering and in his arms lay the body of Eve-motionless and lifeless. Her face pale white and her eyes wide open-staring into blank space as if a million questions crosses her mind all at one time and she was unable to answer any.

Adam was shaking her body violently in a dubious effort to make her come back to life. He was screaming, “You bitch, you exudes too much power on people around you and you judge yourself the most critical, you manipulates, you make me love and hate you, your secrecy so bewildering I believe that is the reason you occupy my mind.”

“There was no other women…why don’t you trust in me?”

On her left wrist there were two tiny marks of what look like a snakebite.

The apple was bitten only once, She was holding it with her right hand. People say it was not the snake that killed her because the witch had said before, the poison only paralyzes and you would still live- but in a way you wished you were dead.

Or perhaps it was her inability to restrain herself from thinking and feeling-even when she tries her best to?

Argument in Eden(part 1)

2005-05-27T00:58:00.000+08:00

In the Garden of Eden, Eve was slow-dancing to the singing of a nightingale, with Adam. She delights in his shape, textures and potency. She traces him and loves him with fierce loyalty. She could not deny feeling deeply passionate for him.

Adam is a charming person, and he knows. He is too intelligent not to know.

“What do you say? Would you take my hand to marriage?”

“I still don’t trust you, Adam. Like many other charming people, your nature, conceals almost an absolute dependence on the appreciation of others.” Adam looked her into the eyes, gave a smile that reveals only ambiguity. “But darling, you mistrust everyone, including yourself.”

And she knows how true it is. She held a domineering self, a self so sadistic that if Adam were to really come into contact with this ‘other’ he would leave her for good. She lusted for power. Eve is not feeling well. She is feeling ill because she’s allowing too much emotion to fester inside her.

“You intrigue me. But you never fully open yourself to me more than I want you to. Why and what are you so afraid of?” He whisper into her ears.

Eve pushed him back slightly but he held her tighter. “I held you so close. But every time you just felt more distant…you’re like a total stranger. I need to know all of you. All this while I’ve been pursuing to perfect my intimacy with you. You’ve created a sensation that is never known to my heart before.”

There was hurt in his eyes. “But I felt angry, and empty, you never reciprocate.”

“You don’t need me too, you are so hospitable to every lady that come your way I believe you would find no trouble seeking affection.”

“It was only some silly flirt, you don’t have to take them seriously. You are jealous, hah-you do have affection for me, but I prefer you showed it in a more direct way,” Adam gave her a mischievous laugh.

“This is not funny, go away, and leave me alone! You know how I could inflict pain on you if you wronged me! Leave!” There was so much anger in her voice Eve was pretty stunned herself.

“Okay, okay, I'll leave if this is what pleases you, ” He gazed at her one last time before he slowly disappears as the night overshadowed him.

Eve felt so misunderstood. She believes that anyone is a fool when they said that they were misunderstood. Only fool allow oneself to be misunderstood because they do not demand an understanding even if they know things would turned out much better if they would do or say things that would clear away people’s misunderstanding.
Misunderstood people are very lonely. She knows too well how it feels. Eve is a private person, and her own person. In many ways, she feels she does not need Adam as much as he thinks she would need him. She felt entitled to be a mystery person herself. She never reveals anything too personal. It’s just not something she’ll do.

“Is there something really wrong with me?” She plucked a rose. She needs to move her restless hands. But red stained her white dress when the thorn pricked her.” She was distressed, not by the sight of the blood. But the numbness that follows form the prick.

She’s not like other women, other women would scream in pain and demand for attention, some prince to come and kiss away the pain. But this is Eve. It is her pride that keeps her from reaching out to ask for sympathy. She has a great need to feel strong and self-sufficient.

Is this not feminine? There were moments she felt vulnerable, but not too many.

Adam calls her unconventional.

2005-05-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

Damn Meng Man.Damn Eva (wo)man.LOL.I want 2 put up dis pic because he finally wrote me a testi after he promised writing me one a year ago.So must celebrate!hehe

2005-05-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

My so Favourite picture!Cos the love of my life's in here!*wink*u know who u r!

2005-05-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

b4 my haircut.

2005-05-24T20:40:00.000+08:00

For Sin Nee:I know you love pictures,this is my recent trip 2 Spain..not really recent but still it felt like yesterday cos I keep holding the great memories back!

Want to go home

2005-05-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

I am so melting in Michael Buble's song-home.

Love the melody. Love how his voice bring out the otherwise simple lyrics-about going home. It is so wondrously beautiful...

If I could just have him singing it over and over again in front of me. Then I wouldn't need 2 keep on rewinding n rewinding(dream on I know)...I am sooo unhealthily addicted 2 this song,it's like the only song I listened 2 when I go online/or try 2 do my assignment.

And I’m surrounded by
A million people
I Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my runBaby,
I’m doneI gotta go home
Let me go home...

There's no other place I can call home 4 me.
I've been living here for my past 16 years,
The earliest 4 years of my life is spent in my granparent's home in JinJang.
I could only fairly imagine what is was like then through pictures taken-
it was funny to see dad in trumpet pants and my mother having very frizzy hair.
And me with the never-changing hairstyle-
looks like all the hairdresser need is a pair scissor and a coconut shell.
And this very BIG smile.
If only I could remember what was my childhood like-
A wish that everybody probably knew never would come true so they locked it somewhere in their heart...
I remember my uncle told me I was very naughty, too loud and not very shy.
I love the swing.
And while my younger sister was terrified of Santa Claus, Lion dance and snake, I embrace them with grace...^_^
I would fall asleep on some stranger's lap while on the way back home from KL on the mini bus-which is extinct by now because of frequent fatal accidents cause by reckless bus drivers.
I would walked on the red carpet before some biggie minister has arrived and been stared at fiercely by unfriendly security guard.
I would sing oldies along with my grandfather.
Sit on his lap while we chat away..not chat larr,probably baby talk.
And I cannot forget those special times when I would ride in his bike-the wind blowin away...
paddy fields. Cow. fresh air. Coconut tree. Atap houses.
*sigh*
That's probably my first home-in Seberang Perai.
Feeding tou-foo to hungry pigeons.
And we have cousins.
We used to have so much fun in this abandoned bus-chasing each other from the front 2 back
screaming like nobody's business.
Badminton.Lompat tali.Indoor games.Games you play with your hands which hurt very much-even when you are good at it.
Play hide and seek. Getting caught more often than winning cause it's their house.
Now we don't see each other as often as I would like to.
And there's this invisible gap that widen the distance of our relationship-it's painful how we would fall into awkward silence because we have not been talking 2 each other 4 so long we don't know where 2 start.
They are all so grown up now. Married. Making babies each year after they wed. Dropping out of school. I see many uncertainties in what they want 2 pursue in life because people living in the kampong does not make education their priorities in life.

Just wanna go home.
Oh I miss you, you know..

I miss my childhood,
miss its' innocence, its' simplicity
I miss the people,
back then they were so much happier,
now things have change so much..
even the place,
the air is no more as fresh, it's Pak Lah's hometown so it was quite heavily developed...
the traffic used to be less heavy, I used to ride my grandmother's bike without being nagged about not running away too far...

Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home...

Very beautiful song.

On laughing

2005-05-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Laughter, is the "bestest" medicine.

Being able to laugh is a great thing. You need to be gifted to see humor in the most mundane happenings in life. It indicates that one recognizes that life is funny. Maintaining a healthy sense of humor is necessary. It is a crucial tool for survival.

I love happy people. They are a bundle of joy.
I am a happy person myself. I am a bundle of joy. and that makes me love myself.
You might start groaning and very disturbed that how I could have the guts to so blatantly self-praise at this moment, and the BIG "VAIN" word can't help but crosses your mind.
But being happy does make one feel attractive. You know you have more to offer when happiness filled you full. You shy away from people when you are depressed and anxious.

I hate to see a frown and hate it most when I see it on my forehead in the mirror.

I just came back from having a yummylicious steam-boat dinner with my beloved family in Puchong. And I was telling my sister about the couple who sit facing us-how the guy was trying his hardest to please his stoned-face girlfriend with casual conversation and smiles. But she was just...so stone-looking. Not a movement of muscle on her face. Her lips pursed together tightly. Her eyes sparkless. Her face expressionless. And all I could think of,"You might as well date me,I would bring you more joy. A hundred million times more." But I didn't say it aloud. I just think it fiercely. He wasn't particularly good-looking. He wasn't anywhere near my type. He wasn't anywhere near hot. not even close to candle light hot. I don't understand. Why would anyone go out with a rock? It's so...displeasurable.

People who love to laugh has to know what tickle their funny bone. Most of the time they are very funny. They crack jokes and make the best out of the worst situation. It's a talent actually.
But there is a danger that people might not take you too seriously. I am frustrated at times when I was funny people get that I am being funny but when I am serious they still think I am being funny. I got remarks like "what?you mean you were not kidding..it really did happened?I'm sorry,cos you were always joking and being funny I thought you were kidding." And of course I wasn't not too happy about it.

Too much laughter is NOT necessary good. Too much of anything is NEVER good.
Balance. Moderation. Is what we all need in everything we do.

But laughter is still good. If you have more than three things to laugh about each day, you are truly blessed.

Me,my dad and religion

2005-05-22T04:09:00.000+08:00

My mom cannot stop talking about the differences in religion. And my dad secretly told me that it is a BIG turn off.

He told me in his car.

"Your mother should stop condemning about other people's religion. It is just not right. You should refrain from talking about other people's faith. Because this is a sensitive topic. Nobody likes their faith to be questioned."

I know I said, "You are bound to hurt someone's feelings when you question about other people's beliefs."

My dad is a man of great insights. Though he looked like a softie on the outside, and he is unhealthily addicted to this evil sport that took away alot of his time with me call golf, he is really somebody I could talk to, seek advise and confide in. Most important of all, bully and a platform for me to practice my occasional madness when there are too many assignments. He massages badly, his business would never survive more than three customer if he were to change his job.

"Just let it be. Unless you study in depth about all religions, unless you are a theologian, I think otherwise it is best to leave your judgements to yourself."

I think it is so true. We cannot trace back and be sure 100% of what happened in the past.

About religion, just let it be.

When there are differences, like race-there is bound to be conflict and partiality, dscrimination and prejudice. Because people-with narrow knowledge about fields in which they are not familiar with start interrogating other people's faith that they felt was inferior to theirs.

We are not professionals. We are not scholars. Therefore we should just let it be.

Mother, please stop bringing it up.

Misunderstood

2005-05-20T20:05:00.000+08:00

A friend commented on this blog come across as boring.

So what do I do? Feel angry? offended? Laugh it off like it's a joke? Don't take it too personally?
Or reflect on its content? Or come up with more interesting topics to talk about?

Choices. I think at times when I think about what my reaction should be-I lose the innocence of just feeling-that rage that burn in my chest but I force it to subside because in the past I get angry too easily-and it makes me look awful and unprofessional. But now I am lost-at times I feel angry but I just laugh it off. Not paying attention that it is ok n healthy to just feel it. The part of me which could not accept this 'angry' me is constantly snarling at the other part which want to let go.

Anger used to be so close to my heart. I am almost born angry. Is anger where the truth and your spirit lies? There is the danger of being attached to the power of anger-that's y I move away from it long ago. Then I figure out I move too far away. I forgotten how it feels like. And then I become afraid. I should be angry, but I don't feel it. I am angry. At you.

There are parts of me which I prefer to stay unspoken of. My grasping of it and holding back is perhaps to protect myself and people who are in the picture with me. My possesing them would make me look cowardish-but my expose of truth would inflict more pain and suffering. And I am uneasy to let my vulnerability shows. It creates distance with people. I keep things to myself because I know others cannot judge my decisions because they are unaware. Fear-I know,is making me grow weak. Labeled me whatever-angry,evil,dangerous,tough,cruel, and thoughtless-but usually I just don't show it. Not showing it doesn't mean it's not there.

This is a blog. A semi-public place. A place not everyone would feel comfortable pouring their heart and soul ALL out. This is not a diary. This is a place where you have got to be careful with what you say-a place where you fabricate your thoughts and words. A place where you withhold information, a place of semi-deception because you don't tell the whole truth. A place where you might lie. Because not everyone who is peeping through here is a kind soul-everyone has their fair share of opinions and beliefs and I respect that but I have learned that some people are more sinister than the others-saying things set out to hurt your feelings.

I have come to a bit of a crossroads in regard to this blog. I am struggling with it. This is my place, my nest. I lovingly built it. I don't want to leave it. But I'm finding it particularly hard right now to say what I have to say. For one, I am feeling more private about my life and my sensuality and I am weighing what to keep private and what to share. I have become uncomfortable here.

Gender Representation In Advertising

2005-05-20T20:03:00.000+08:00

Gender Representation in Advertising

Some people suggest that while the goal of advertising is to convince you to buy a product or accept a message, it also plays a role in shaping attitudes and perceptions about ourselves and the world around us.
The following six codes and conventions are often used in the portrayal of men and women in advertising.

Superiority and Domination- In advertising and other media, women are sometimes portrayed in poses that physically subordinate them to men. Men are often shown in a dominant position and in control of the situation being portrayed.

Dismemberment- Rather than using full body shots, advertising often chooses to dismember women's and men's bodies and market their separate parts: slim legs, large chest, firm buttocks. This process is often referred to as objectification.

Clowning and Exaggeration- In some cases, women are depicted in contorted positions, looking foolish or silly. Men are often portrayed as serious, brooding and introspective.

Male Approval- In some advertisements, women are seen receiving male approval as their sole measure of achievement. Many males depicted in the media approve only one thing- sexually attractive and available women.

The Voice-Over Authority- Men's voices, lower in pitch than women's, are often used in television commercials. A male voice adds authority to the message being delivered. Women are gaining access to positions of authority and the use of female voice-overs is reflective of this change.

Irrelevant Sexualization of Women and Girls- Advertisers have often used sex to sell products, even when the product being advertised has nothing to do with sex. Car, alcohol, soft drink, and jean ads often market women's bodies as well as the actual products being advertised.

王八蛋

2005-05-20T19:21:00.000+08:00

你看不懂-所以我要叫你王八蛋

听着-你是王八蛋!

超级大笨蛋!

啊!

Die-Hard romantic

2005-05-19T07:05:00.000+08:00

I think it's a waste that the guy or the girl or both are un-romantic in a relationship.I've heard my girlfriends complaining about how their boyfriend would never pamper them with even the most inexpensive gifts because he considered himself 'naturally' a pragmatic person. The unwillingness to change is what turns me off. Nothing in this world changes like change itself. Not everyone is a born charismatic person,but researches has found out that this charactersitic could be develop in the latter days. And I think same goes for being a romantic. You can be romantic and thus also benefit from it because with this you create wonderful memories that you treasure for life-even if the relationship did not promise a life time spent together.

I have of course friends who would be very content as long as they can spend time with each other doing mundane activities like watching movies and having lunch together. But*yawn*I think being a romantic is like merging both an artist and a scientist. Always reinventing,always experimenting...that's what keep the passion of loving each other for a longer time being than people around you.

At the most, i cannot take it if a person is so bull-headed that all he/she could think of is what he/she can get from their quarry in a relationship. It is about compromising, not demanding. It is about giving and taking. Of course girls are always at a disadvantage when all they do is give,give,give because they thought their boyfriend would be please. But believe me-guys in this time prefer girls who is both an angel and a bitch. Being too nice is like feeding them with too much sweets-might be lovely in the beginning but if they have got cavaties they just prefer the dentist over your sweetness. And thus stop taking you. And girls who are too argumentative-stop doing it!If you had a break up,rather than going around bitching about the flaws and the negatives of your ex,i think it is only wise to reflect on what goes wrong in the relationship and measure whether you contribute to the large part of the 'disaster'.

Ahhh---and on ways to be romantic. Though I'm not an expert, not yet but I think this might help.Some people who come across this post might think 'yuck', 'ewww','Please-I'll never do that' or 'gimmeabreak' and other cynical remarks but suits you!

Write your significant other a book of poetries-dun buy them,write your own-but there's no wrong to plagiarise contents from elsewhere,just dun get caught!=P*lack of sincerity*

Dedicate a song to him'her on the radio-personally I think it's rather tedious and I'm very radio-shy!whoever heard of that before!

Take silly pictures together in a photo booth-but you have got to have some courage to distort
your pretty face your significant other love so much!Hope he/she was not scared too much!

Slow danced with him/her even to no music*this one's my favourite*

Wear matching outfits-but I read somewhere that couples who do this all the time are actually very insecure about the status of 'being together'. But I leave it up to you...

Greet him in airport with i love you balloons...*this is rather a difficult picture*

Shampoo her hair...

Give him a little massage...

Compose her a song...

Sing to him...

Whisper foreign version of 'I love you' in her ears...

By the way,found out that I'm a die-hard romantic from a love test-oohh,like the sound of that~~~

"You just love to love, don't you? We can tell that you're a die-hard romantic who appreciates the deep sentiment that loving, meaningful words and actions bring to life. Love and romance go hand-in-hand for you, so you adore pouring on the terms of endearment, the hopeful promises, and the doting acts you think your fella deserves. Whether you're in an idealistic and caring mood or being sweet, playful, and impulsive, you're a giving partner who's eager to express how excited you are about your relationship. For you, love is all about sharing your feelings and making your significant other feel cherished. After all, the more often you reassure him of the strength of your emotions, the better, right? And you love tapping your creative side to express how much he means to you and how important you think his needs are. Congratulations — you really know how to celebrate your love."

Mademoiselle Paris

2005-05-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris.
The art, the fashion, the wine, the men!
Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...
You'll love living in the most chic place on earth
What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-)

tentang dia

2005-05-12T20:47:00.000+08:00

Watched tentang dia with sze mun n suet ying today,it was a pretty depressing show,alot of emphasis is put on projecting the main actress-gadis's feeling of pain because of her ex-boyfriend betrayal, he dumped her for her best friend!Though this storyline is very dramatic but I know it truly happens in real life...

I notice some bits of humor where when gadis n rudi were on the roof top, rudi told gadis that whenever she felt things were getting way too out of hand, she comes here to see the every perspective of the situation-because she's on top she could view the whole buzzing city.You need to come out of the situation to view things clearly but before this she told gadis not to look down.
And gadis was questioning her:"you tell me to look at every perspective but before this you called me not to look down."-Looking down make her legs shaky because it was freaking high up there.

I still think I will give the film more credits if the director had put in bits about the scandal between gadis ex-boyfriend n her best friend. I really felt that the story line is good but the progress is really slow-on parts I wished I could fast forward the movie because the dialogues were so predictable!

But I love one quote at the end of the show.

"The most valuable lesson in life is about love and death-if you are ready to accept this two, you are ready to face everything and there is no need to fear."

This are simple words but with it carries a whole lot of wisdom and to put it into action-carries a whole lot of courage and uncertainty.

Lessons on love and death, most complicated.

I love someone dearly but what if he/she dies, I don't know...Would I die crying from the overloading of sorrow and pain? Would I carry the scar of losing someone I treasure so dearly for the rest of my lifetime? Would I never be able to smile again? Would I never be able to love again? Would I die killing myself? What would I do? How would I do? Who would I turn to?

I consider myself a very lucky person. Because deaths is not something occuring too often in my life to people around me. I most remember the death of my grandfather. It was an accident. He died 59 years old. I was his favourite granddaughter. After that, there are no more short trips on motorbike for breakfast. No more beautiful views of green paddy fields on his bike. No more warm hugs and lap-sitting. No more no more...

I wished he's in somewhere windy, cloudy, sunny and very peaceful.

what thinker are you?

2005-05-11T19:51:00.000+08:00

I am an intrapersonal thinker.

Spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to understand themselves
Reflect on their thoughts and moods, and work to improve them
You understand how your behaviour affects your relationships with others

Like intrapersonal thinkers, Leonardo worked hard to improve all aspects of himself.

Other Intrapersonal thinkers include Sigmund Freud, Gandhi, Grahame Greene

Careers which suit Intrapersonal Thinkers includePsychologist, Teacher, Pilot, Child Ccare worker, Explorer, Drama therapist

I recommend this site 2 do a quiz if u r interested

www.bbc.co.uk/science/leonardo/thinker_quiz

what he says

2005-05-11T19:06:00.000+08:00

chasing after your dreams is like falling in love..
you are more likely 2 get what you want if you sacrifice,
and you'll love yourself more by that.

-david tao

Somemore?

2005-05-11T10:52:00.000+08:00

"Every religion that has come into the world has brought the message of love and brotherhood. Those who are indifferent to the welfare of their fellowmen, whose hearts are empty of love, they do not know the meaning of religion."

-Abdul Ghaffar Khan

Right thing

2005-05-11T09:47:00.000+08:00

"You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power; maybe not in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result..."

-Mahatma Ghandi

Orgasm Day(now that's sum sort of celebration!)

2005-05-11T09:18:00.000+08:00

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Sex rarely makes the news in Brazil's conservative Northeast — until a small town declared an official Orgasm Day on Monday.

Espertantina Mayor Felipe Santolia endorsed the May 9 holiday, which he said was intended to improve relationships between married couples.

"We're celebrating orgasm in all its senses. There's even a panel discussion on premature ejaculation. But from what I've seen, women have more trouble achieving orgasm than men, especially in marriage," Santolia said by telephone from Esperantina, 1,300 miles north of Rio de Janeiro.

Santolia said the remote town of 38,000 people has been unofficially celebrating orgasm day for years, but that the town's former mayor had vetoed a bill making it an official municipal holiday.
The city council passed a law Saturday creating the holiday. Santolia, who took office earlier this year, said he would sign the bill later Monday.

"I'm 32, single and I have an open mind. Beside the theme is very much of the moment," he said.

Orgasm Day celebrations include a series of panel discussions by sexologists from across Brazil and a presentation of Eve Ensler's play "The Vagina Monologues."

Santolia said the idea of celebrating Orgasm Day at first created a scandal in this poor region, known for its religious fervor. But he said residents gradually residents warmed to the idea.

"I've seen scientific studies that show when a woman is unloved, when her husband can bring her to orgasm, it affects all aspects of her life, her relationships with her children, at home, with the city and at work," Santolia said.

pure love

2005-05-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

I tell myself
no longer I make my happiness dependent upon your being kind to me,
because I've learnt what it feels like
It will always be threatened
because when you are not like what I want
because when you are not nice, and virtuous towards me
My happiness sinks.

I would spend my life feeling terribly disappointed
if nothing change according to my expectation.
happiness is not based on what I want.
Because I want a great many things
And what I want is not often what I get.

I experience in this human realm the joy of loving you
But I cannot expect you to love me back
What you feel is beyond my control

I tell myself
I may love you
But I do not want to feel attached to you
When I start grasping I feel angry and averse to you
I only want to love you
just that simple
that uncomplicated.

I love you in the pure sense of love.

Oh my god!You lose weight!

2005-05-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

We have been socially conditioned to place one another on a thin/fat continuum and categorize one another accordingly. Thus a thin friend in our imagination is pretty, successful and discipline while an overweight friend is plain, ploddish and lacking in control-regardless of their actual attributes. When a friend who had always been fat loses weight, she wreaks havoc with the entire schema. "Weight is like a role you play,". "You're the fat friend, the fat wife or girlfriend, the one who listens to problems, who's not threatening, who doesn't have a social life,"Susan Head told ELLE magazine."Some part of the identity of people close to you is based on your weight. So when you throw off that role, you upset the whole balance of things.
-adapted from catfight

immortality

2005-05-07T11:43:00.000+08:00

If I were made immortal
to live another thousand years
And you were not
I'd rather buried away alive with you
when you no longer breath
let the soil intermingle with your silence
and the worms savor my flesh
for your love held me hostage
I have the keys to my chain
but i don't want to break away

even if I have the whole universe
What is a thousand years
If I could not be with you for one day
one fleeting moment
so take this thousand years of curse away
I don't want to be a prisoner in this space of timelessness
I had rather freeze in your coffin
take me away
I am not afraid how I were to pay the price
as long as you held me captive
bestowed me the caption of slavery
eternally yours.

You know a great many things,
But do you know that
emotions arises when you come around
thoughts of you swallow me inside out

You know a great many things
But do you know that
at times it pains me so much
when reverie is my only sanctuary
escape my only route
that imagery of you is possible
but both deceptive and delusioning

Runaway
Tonight my eyes do not rest
When you were sound asleep
Maybe I should go back to bed
And seek solace in this shelter I call dream
But should I wake up tomorrow
To find that haven was not reality
You dissolve once the sun comes out

So I fall into sleep again
wishing
I could never wake up
I shall never wake up
I must never wake up

Runaway
But where do I run to
Because every corner I turned to
I carry you along with me
The weight of thoughts for you
Pull me down
Like being tied to rocks
and drifting deeper into the ocean floor
Never able to rise up again

Runaway
But where do I run to
Unless my heart is unattached
Unless I no longer exist
There is no use running away
Because everywhere I go
My heart follow
There is where you are
Yesterday,
Today,
and many other tomorrows...

complicated

2005-05-07T01:50:00.000+08:00

The most complicated thing in this world is the relationship between two and more people.

I am Proverbs!

2005-05-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

You are Proverbs.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by

Life

2005-05-05T18:50:00.000+08:00

Life is hectic. Life is impermanent.

Life is very, very short, if you think of all the things you would to learn-cooking,painting,photography,sewing,singing,wine-tasting..., all the countries you would like to travel-india,china,egypt,spain,japan,korea,hawaii... all the sports you would like to play-archery,golf,tennis,bowling,fishing,swimming,scuba-diving..., all the award-winning films and foriegn films that you would like to watch, all the songs you want to listen to, all the jokes you would want to know and have a good laugh at, all the emotions you would like to experiment with-love,anger,frustration,self-pity,confidence,happy...,all the books you would like to read, all the clothes you would like to try on...

Life is yours. So be wise enough to choose what to chase after, and what to let go.

Life is yours but it is not about you. It's about whose life you have touch. It's not about what you get from here, but how do you make your presence worth of rememberance when you leave.

It's about you making this space a better place. A more beautiful place.

Life is about you and me. And everyone else. You thought we are far apart, you thought distance make us unrelated. But it's not that.

Life is between you and yourself. And then you yourself and the people.

Life is all of us.

Untitled(ii)

2005-05-04T04:36:00.000+08:00

Me:wanna play pool?

Aaron:No,I play like Tigerwoods.

Me:How's that?

Aaron:I keep hitting the white ball in.

start laughing like it's the funniest joke. I like Aaron and his sense of humor.